Preeclampsia: My 11th Birth Story

Today, my blog is in honor of the many brave mothers and babies who have suffered with Pregnancy Induced Hypertension /Preeclampsia. This problem with very high blood pressure and extreme swelling and possible organ failure usually develops near the end of pregnancy and the standard cure is inducing labor. Many babies and mothers have died because their symptoms were overlooked until it was too late. If you are pregnant and text the word BABY to 511411, you can now receive monthly texts with vital information you may need for your pregnancy. Here is the first part of my story, which I wrote for the website at preeclampsia.org.

I developed PIH/ preeclampsia after the birth of my 11th child when I was 39 years old, so my story is about as unusual as it gets. Having had 11 babies in 16 years is unusual enough. My husband and I decided when we met that we would trust God to give us the babies HE wanted us to have, so we have never used birth control... our first child was born by C-section 10 months after we married, the next one 13 months after that, and the rest were born between 16 and 22 months apart for the next 16 years. I had three children at home after the C-section nightmare of the first. I discovered I didn't need a C-section. and it pushed me to discover alternative choices to the traditional hospital-style birth. After my midwife moved away and I was involved in a car accident, I had another C-section (this one an emergency) because they thought I had spinal cord damage from the car accident. Anyway, this gave me the amazing opportunity to become a V-BAC twice!

My next six births were in a hospital, but I called all the shots, only going in when I was ready to push, enduring the twenty minute baseline on the monitor while standing up and walking in place. I learned that, for me, labor is manageable if I walk through it. Afterward, though, it was nice to be in the hospital and be cared for, since that put less burden on my growing family, and grandma (later older kids) could take over at home.

I had Jewel Anne on May 9th, 2005. She is the only one of our babies to come early, and she was five days early... thanks to my discovery of raspberry tea as a labor stimulant. What I think is interesting is that I developed PIH five days after she was born, on her expected due date. I had gone home Tuesday after spending the night in the hospital as usual, was feeling weak and tired, but figured I am almost forty, so that's to be expected. On Friday I woke up with a horrible headache which got worse throughout the day, but I took some percocet (which I take for after-pains) and got on with the day because I had a test already scheduled for a group and I didn't want to reschedule. (I run a home business seasonally administrating tests for home schoolers in my area) and, of course, had to nurse the baby, run the household and get on to work.

While I was administering the test that morning, I remember thinking how odd it was that I was having trouble seeing. I couldn't focus very well at all, and kept trying to measure my vision. It was as if I had a gold swirling vortex in front of my eyes and had to try to look around it or through it. This, plus tiredness and the intense headache which kept getting worse, made me a little concerned.

By the time I had gotten done testing and everyone had gone home, my sister-in-law and family showed up to see the baby and stayed the day. I wanted so much to cancel with her that morning, but my husband had said they were so looking forward to it, and were traveling two hours to come see her. He talked me into it, so I had all of my children plus my sister-in-law and her four around all day. I did go up and take a nap after lunch, but by dinner time I was on two percocet and the headache was still very intense, I was swollen so badly my shoes would not go on my feet, and I was pretty sure this was something serious.

I had my husband take me to the emergency room. They took my blood pressure and became very concerned. In the twenty minutes we waited for the doctor to come in and admit me it had raised substantially. They put me in a room on intervenous magnesium sulfate and tried to keep me quiet and still. I remember being frustrated that I couldn't even read my Bible because of the visual disturbances, as I would have liked the comfort. It was so hard sending my newborn baby home with my husband, pumping milk for her and not being able to nurse her unless they brought her in. It was even harder then to send her with a friend the next night as my husband had taken all the time off he could and had to go back to work.

I was so hypertensive that they would check my reflexes and I would kick HARD halfway across the bed. I have never had reflexes like that!! The hypertension made me feel like I was on 10 cups of coffee, and even with the mag sulfate I couldn't sleep for three days.
But God met me in that hospital room in the middle of the night. I discovered a station that played beautiful soothing Christian music and showed beautiful pictures with verses from the Bible superimposed on them. I would be praying and asking God a question, and the next verse would very often be my answer! It was amazing, and I felt HIS presence and power so clearly there, and I was not afraid in the least. I had such a peace that this was all going to work out for good. I know my children and church family were praying up a storm.

Because the normal treatment for PIH is to deliver the baby, they couldn't do that in my case. We just had to wait it out. It took me five days to be sent home from the hospital. I still remember what a relief it was to finally sleep! My recovery was slow going. I had been injured in a car accident six weeks before the baby was born (nothing too serious, just a whiplash-type injury to my neck and shoulder) so I had to see the chiropractor in a town ten miles from my home twice a week for six months, then once a week for the rest of the year.
That injury has now healed, Praise God! But between the recovery from PIH, car accident and sleep apnea which had also been diagnosed before the accident, My health was not what it had been. I did not lose the baby weight in between that pregnancy and the next.

I am now 16 months past my last birth, and Jewel is a happy healthy child who is very bright and understands everything. She nursed and took a bottle for ten months. I am now 30 weeks along with baby number twelve. My OB's have not seemed at all concerned about the PIH, even though I am now a higher risk, having had it and being overweight and forty years old. Early on in this pregnancy, I was having intense abdominal pain on the upper right side. I also felt crummy a lot. It just seemed that something wasn't quite right. The docs I saw were completely unconcerned. Those feelings seemed to fade during the second trimester and are back now that I am in the third trimester. This is unusual for me, but I have learned a lot reading on this website. It strikes me how many women knew something was up long before the doctor would admit it. Many have described pain and swelling early on which was almost always dismissed as indigestion, gall bladder, etc. This has really helped me not to feel I am being a hypochondriac.

(Through the next pregnancy, I monitored my blood pressure (mostly by going to KMart or Safeway when I was shopping and doing the free test where you sit down and stick your arm in the fixed cuff). I also always asked the nurse what the numbers were at prenatal appointments. You know they always want to say, "It's okay," but I persisted and ask what the numbers were. My blood pressure has always been very low when not pregnant and pregnant until now... so low they would say, "Wow. That's a really great low pressure." In between my seventh and eighth children, for instance, it was 100 over 50. During pregnancy number 12 I checked it at Safeway when I was feeling really rotten. It was 139 over 83. The OB's said that was okay, but they didn't really know my history. The doctor I saw for years stopped delivering babies six years ago, and for those three births I was stuck in one of those clinics where you see a different doctor every time.

I tried increasing my calcium intake with the end of the next pregnancy. Whenever I am lacking calcium in pregnancy I get severe leg cramping in the middle of the night, and I was having some episodes so I thought it couldn't hurt. I can almost always alleviate this in one day by drinking a couple of glasses of milk or taking some liquid or coral calcium vitamins. Also, I tried taking a low dose of aspirin, and of course making sure I got adequate protein and liquids. Exercise was harder to come by consistently because of the time of year , as I test seasonally).
(Postscript to the article I wrote: Despite my best efforts, I developed preeclampsia /PIH with baby number 12, Ezra James. The doctors believed it was so random, it would never happen again, but I saw the numbers increasing and ended up being admitted in exactly the same time period, after baby was born, which was doubly rare... again. This time, the doctor limited my liquids, which in my opinion was pointless and painful. But God's grace was so abundant to me, and my children are very healthy.
With baby number 13, Keturah Rose, I had similar elevated pressures, but it was not severe enough to warrant a hospital stay. Happy Dance!!)

Blessings to all of you women out there who have been through this horrible ordeal. May you seek God and find health and healing.

While We're Making Other Plans...

""It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things"
— Donald Miller

 
 
 
 

Risky Business

Anybody but me concerned that the Christian life is often presented as a collection of disciplines? Read your Bible, pray every day, and you'll grow. This is a curiosity to me. I even heard someone recently explain walking in the Spirit with the same tried and true rule. You know, I don't mean to insult anyone, but I don't even see these "rules" in the Bible.

Now, before you send me hate mail, let me tell you that I have taught these "good ideas" for Christians to many, many children over the years. My own children have been raised to know and love God's Word, and I have diligently trained them to pray. I wanted my children to know the truth and to be able to discern God's voice from that of others, and I know that the foundation we have laid in their hearts has allowed them to walk intimately with God, but each must walk out his or her true relationship alone. Much as I would like, it is not something I can choose for them.

But I guess what I'm asking is... "Is the discipline really all there is to it?" I've been watching people in church carefully for a number of years now, and I wonder if we have over-simplified the gospel. I know those who teach and believe the gospel is a formula, a prescribed project list, and I have been boggled to see them struggle with the same forms of bondage and stay in the same place as always.... except maybe now with more nice-ness from hanging out with churchy people and learning the lingo.

It seems to me that we might as well tell people who are getting married that intimacy in marriage consists of keeping the house clean and going to work every day. I don't know about you, but my marriage would be very sad indeed if I relied on those types of rules to guarantee intimacy. The adventure of my marriage lies in the relationship that is constantly changing. It lies in the faithful response of joy to my bridegroom's love for me.

The Christians who grow from freedom to even more freedom are those who are willing to risk. They are willing to obey God in the small nudges and large directions no matter the cost in uncertainty.

David Hogan, who has given his life for the Indians in the Mexico hills, and has seen 15 people raised from the dead in his ministry, says it this way.

"Get so far out on the limb that the only One who could possibly save you is God, and then watch Him work!"

This is cultural heresy. We firmly believe that the Bible confirms a 21st century American point of view that calls for "common sense" (ie.. rationalism, where my mind is my god). We cannot even conceive that the Word of God, enlightened by the Spirit of God, might teach about faith that is not merely intellectual assent. James tells us that faith without works is dead, being by itself.

Most people will never see a miracle because they have arranged their lives to be so self-sufficient they think they don't need one. They won't feel God's love in a tangible way, because they have determined to feel in control instead.

What can we call supposed "faith" that never spurs action, repentance, obedience? What if it does not change our lives or those around us? If it is alive, why is there not true fruit? The only answer I see in the Word is that it is alone, and therefore dead.

Faith makes your heart beat a little faster because you know there is truly a risk. Faith is the adventure in a life lived with God. You and I were born to live by faith and not by sight. We were born to be world-changers and not place -holders.

I have a couple of friends who are struggling with their lives because they're so busy being the "respectable Christian woman" they cannot let go and accept the grand adventure a life lived by faith. They have believed the cultural view of nice-ness, church acceptibility, and safety as the ultimate goal for their lives. They have said, "Of course I will obey God," but when the prompting from the Holy Spirit comes, they will not surrender. The question always comes, "How spiritual will this look?" They will not obey if it does not look spiritual to their church ideals. They are stuck, and at least one is considering tossing out her entire life (husband, children, church) for another.

Of couse she is. This is not the life she was meant to live! Her heart is absolutely longing for true romance, for excitement and adventure!! She has convinced herself that it does not exist in Christianity. Pharisees may have prestige and control, but they do not have joy and peace

Intimacy with God is so much more than Bible reading and a prayer list. It is more than journaling and listening to sermons. Intimacy grows with time, cooperation, and obedience. Intimacy with God is about downloading His heart, and being willing to do it all His way. Remember that God loves faith. He looks over the whole earth to reward a person who is full of faith. There's something my Bible does say... repeatedly.

Want to kick-start your spiritual growth? Take the next risk God sends your way, and don't look back in regret when the opposition comes. Keep asking God, "What can I learn from this? Give me your wisdom," and you will be amazed at the miraculous provision God will pour out. Your Bible reading will come alive, and your time with God will be more and more intimate as you do.

Since we walk by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit!!

Mommy, Daddy, Mother

I jetted into KMart the other day to look for some Christmas lights on the way home from the doctor’s office. Along with lights, I carried home another sort of illumination . In fact, it was quite enlightening, if you will pardon the pun. As it turns out, KMart at Christmas time in the liberal college town can be a lesson in virtual parenting.
The first parent I heard rather than saw, while attempting to assess the merits of LED lights versus conventional ones. “Ryan come on!” a young voice whined, “Ryan, I have to make it home by 3:30!!” I turned to see a young twenty-something Mommy talking to her three year old son. Or rather he was careening down the aisles and she was attempting to follow his path of destruction. He would lunge for a toy or an ornament, she would attempt to talk him out of it with some combination of wrestling, cajoling and anger. Meanwhile, her son, completely nonplussed by this familiar routine, continued on his merry way, touching and climbing upon anything that struck his fancy. It was clear that Mommy had absolutely no power in this situation, and more importantly, no authority. In fact, if anyone had authority in this situation, it was the three year old. I am always fascinated by situations such as these. I am pretty sure that the mother does not really want life to be this way. In fact, I am certain, given the desperate look on both their faces, that neither one is happy with the situation.
“What? Not the child?” you may ask. Especially not the child, though he was at that moment getting every whim for which his selfish soul was asking. Little children love limits more than they love freedom, and he was not getting one clear limit. He could not say to himself, “See, my mother does love me more than she loves to whine and procrastinate, more than she is selfish and afraid.” Ryan was literally begging his mother for the control he instinctively knows is illustrated by an adult looking out for him, and coming up empty again and again.
I am so sad for Ryan, and for every child in his shoes. Mostly, their parents are afraid of failing, afraid of looking bad, and uncertain of the best path. In their hearts, they know that others have happy parent/child relationships, but most have no clue how to go about getting them. Their parenting becomes marked by tolerant passivity, then chasing and exhaustion, then whining or bursts of anger. When the child is a baby, Mommy assumes she will be the most doting mother ever, the most loving and giving, and that this will assure her child’s undying loyalty in return. This does not work because it is based on the feeling of love and not the real deal, and it underestimates the power of her child’s selfish nature. This parenting is about the parent rather than about the child. Always remember that love gives the loved one what he best needs to succeed. Young children do not have their own limits, nor the courage, wisdom, or self-control to make them. If a parent makes life about feelings, the child is in trouble. Any child will come into peaceful contentment when the parent gives firm, consistent, happy limits.
Parent number two was behind me as I cost-compared. His voice could be heard throughout the store. Although I was fifty feet away, it made me afraid. This Daddy was not whining, he was growling and barking. Apparently, his son had crossed the line and now Daddy had had enough. He was so furious that even common public niceties went out the window. Anger was the entrée dujour, and he was serving up a plateful and overflowing to his six-year old. “No you are not!!! You are getting right back into the car and sitting by yourself! You are being a baby,” he yelled, “and I am done with this!”
I turned to see a sad little fellow looking up at his father with his eyes full of tears. Worse, Daddy had his elbow, and was unsuccessfully attempting to manhandle him around and out the door. My heart lurched. If this is what the parent will do in public, I always wonder what happens behind closed doors at home. And if Daddy does not think it inappropriate to loudly vent his full anger on a small child in a store, he may be unaware of how angry he really is. No sooner had Daddy and his boys left, than I was confronted with the most disturbing parent of all.
I finally got in a checkout line behind a queue of slightly grouchy, after work shoppers who had each stopped in for “just a few things” and were in a hurry to get home. Because it was KMart, they had only one checker, of course. As soon as I found my place in line six deep, a Mother came up behind me with two daughters, ages about seven and four. The girls walked up next to their mother and stood docile about a foot away from her, waiting patiently and silently, a little closer to the candy and toy display, but not touching it.
No sooner had they arrived, when she started in. “Girls, if you don’t stand over here closer to me,” she warned in a stern, no nonsense tone, “I might have to start taking items off my Christmas list!” The daughters inched closer, and Mother started in again, “Jasmine. If you cannot put on your coat, we will find someone else to give it to. There are plenty of children who would love to have a nice warm winter coat!” Mother continued to wax eloquent, and I did the gradual swing- around-casually thing so I wouldn’t seem to be turning just to look at them. As I did, I saw the littlest girl, who had been quietly holding her coat, was now putting it on. It was warm in the store. As we stood there in line, it became obvious from her continual barrage of dire consequences for nondescript actions that Mother had been reading parenting books which told her that giving consequences was the best way to control your child’s behavior. Unfortunately, what Mother obviously didn’t recognize was that not all behavior must be controlled, especially with such extreme repercussions! Mother had absolute control of her children with her threats, but true authority was still lacking. To me, her case was the saddest of all, because she was making herself and her children miserable, and because she was obviously sure she was “doing it right.”
One of the reasons these displays hurt my heart is that I have been where these parents are and know the pain it causes to both parent and child. Ask any of my large brood and those old enough to respond will all freely admit Mom is not the perfect parent. Sadly, I have chased out-of-control toddlers, vented anger, and gone overboard with consequences on many occasions in my twenty year parenting career. I have also done and said more stupid things as a parent than in any other life capacity --times five! I want the reader to know this, because no friend or acquaintance should think I am judging anyone or waiting to write about their parenting failures. I share this as the voice of experience but I still have a lifetime of learning ahead.
Still, the juxtaposition of Mommy, Daddy, and Mother really arrested my attention. I thought about it all the way home and many times since. Even if their KMart behavior was not typical, it was painful to their children. The saddest part is that most parents could learn a better way and enjoy their children while they are young. Instead of riding the never-ending carousel of idealism, anger, and guilt our culture perpetuates, they could live at peace with serene children who are their parent’s continual joy.
These parents didn’t ask for advice, but I offer it anyway, in hopes somebody out there struggling might have perspective for current or future parenting endeavors.

Advice for Mommy: Make your child’s unquestioned obedience your first priority. His life may depend on it. Make a game of him yelling “Coming!” and running to you at high speed whenever and wherever you call. Do it at home by setting up training sessions when he is enthralled with his toys. Don’t attempt a store until you know you will have success. Most important: when he comes, reward him with hugs, kisses and praise. When (not if) he fails, administer a brief discipline and try again. It should be the most fun! He will soon love being by your side because you are always smiling into his face, telling him how well he did. And he will learn that Mommy always means what she says.

Advice for Dad: It is important that you realize your behavior is rooted in much deeper issues. Do you let things go until you finally notice and crack down?? If so, your children will be always testing your boundaries. Do you have unresolved authority issues with your parents, old teachers, bosses? If you have not submitted to an authority, you will have trouble being the authority your child needs. Do you have unrealistic expectations for children, so they feel they can never please you?? As the old saying goes, you get more flies with honey. If your children get a lot of sunshine from you, they will notice the occasional rain cloud and change their actions accordingly. Make sure your discipline is brief, matter of fact, and you get on to the business of enjoying each other again. Are you lost in a fantasy world on your computer? No wife or child can compete with that unrealistic reality, and unrestrained anger is the result. Confess, and rejoin the real world. As you walk in your repentance with Jesus, the anger will gradually dissipate.

Advice for Mother: Wrong priorities (ie…the house must always be clean, the children must always be quiet and still, children must always look neat, clean and dressed a particular way, and we must be at the meeting on time no matter how late we woke up or who got sick) will press you out of relationship with your children. What you need is to really walk with Jesus. Let His life invade you to the point that you are healed from your deep wounds, and let go of your pre-conceived ideas and everyone else’s ideals. Look at your children honestly. Are they happy?? Learn from those who have happy, healthy children. Here’s a hint. Don’t look at how put-together the parent seems, or how loudly they proclaim their pet theories. Parenting is, after all, about what is best for the child. If the child is happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and loves the parent and siblings, ask that parent for their secrets. Ask for specific advice on your problem areas. Watch how they do it. You may find parenting is not as hard as it once seemed when you gain different priorities.
It seems to me that these KMart examples might look askance at the biblical injunctions for parents. Even so, I have found that Biblical parenting is where the joy is. As the Word says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace.” If true joyful and submitted authority secured the lives of these and many other children, they could settle down and enjoy the ride of childhood with a parent who enjoyed it too. No matter what our background, isn’t that what we all want… a happy, secure relationship with our children? We want them to enjoy being around us, and we want ourselves and others to enjoy being around them. This isn’t our highest goal as parents, but it is the starting block which makes all the rest of the race possible.