Sunday, April 19, 2009
No Child Left Behind
"Mom," six year-old Faith asked from the backseat, "if you could have only one wish, what would it be??"
As I pondered the question, the answer caused tears to emerge, so much so that suddenly the road ahead looked very blurry. I wondered if I should pull over.
"Honey, if I could have only one wish from God, it would be that each one of my children walk with God and fulfill the destiny God has for them."
I asked her what her wish would be, and she chattered on (as she usually does) about not really meaning that kind of wish. But my mind was still considering the thought....
I've known many Christian families over the years, some large, some small. But almost every one had a child or two who threw off the wisdom of their family of origin and walked away from God, many of them forever. There were families Tony and I admired and wanted our family to be like when we were getting married. Their children were well-mannered and obedient, seemed to be choosing the Lord, but now I look at the adults those children have become and I'm shocked to see the choices they have made. Some families we admired are a complete wasteland. Some have a few of the children who made it into adulthood with a desire for God and a few who are outright rebels or worse, indifferent. Very, very few have 100 percent success when success is viewed as fulfilling their personal God-given calling.
I'm glad God is not the God of only one wish granted. And yet I wonder at the audacity of my faith. Sometimes it seems I have sacrificed everything the world wants for this one goal. But will it be reached? There are no guarantees when we are talking about the free will of another human being. And what about 13 human beings?? It seems like the odds are against that kind of success rate. If my friends did not succeed with their three, I ask, what makes me think I will with all of mine? This is especially concerning as mine cannot hope to get the kind of one-on-one attention some of my friends provide their children.
But I am reminded that nothing is impossible with God. The same God who gives life can also sustain it and cause it to prosper. “Unless the Lord builds a house,” scripture reminds me, “its workers labor in vain.”
Just as He miraculously provides each day for their food and clothing, God has been so faithful to provide just what each child needs at each time. I am utterly dependent on God and His miracles with my life, and I am committed to helping each child experience God right now, grow with Him, and see themselves as ministers of His truth. I am not dependent on my child -raising techniques, my discipline plan, my chore chart, or any other means of managing my brood. When you have 13 children, you are reminded each day that you absolutely cannot meet all the needs. But that’s where the fun comes in, watching God do it! He provides wisdom, money, health, strength, helpers, security, and every other item we need, material, emotional and spiritual. We never lack when we ask Him. The Lord is our everything, and He is more than enough!
I have many friends whose goal is to be the best parent ever. This kind of thinking puts the focus on the parent. Popular wisdom says the best parents never miss a game their child plays, feed them each meal from the food pyramid, help with homework, limit TV, make sure they brush their teeth three times a day for 3 minutes each time, and on and on. There are so many expectations that a parent could do 90% and still suffer perpetual guilt. And, of course, the expectations change with the environment. I am expected to always keep my child perfectly safe, for instance, but popular wisdom says to always give him or her a choice in every situation. What should we do when those two values contradict each other??
Parenting, after all, is not about the parent. It is about the child. And when we lay down our ideas of what is best and ask God to show us our child’s true needs, we might be surprised how simple parenting becomes.
Walking with God has freed me from confusion. He is the focus of my life. He only directs my paths. His ways are perfect.
If there is one valuable lesson I have learned the hard way in twenty years of parenting, it is that my children become who I am, not what I say. To put it another way, if I had known when I was starting out that my children were watching me and reading every personal thought, I would have paid a lot more attention to my heart and a lot less to the ways I was protecting them and things I was telling them to do.
Think about that. Your child becomes who you are.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and the answer to my heart’s desire astounds me. There are no guarantees in the Kingdom of God. But I have not sacrificed my life and desires to my children. To do that would bring resentment if my hopes for them were unrealized or my love unrequited. No, I have sacrificed my life only to Jesus and He has truly given it back to me as a happy and abundant life, full of hope and peace and promise for the future. Though I long with all my might that each one under my care reaches full potential in Him in this quest, I also realize that it’s really not up to me. I will fix my eyes on Jesus and love Him with all of my being, and He assures me He will make sure no child is left behind.
As I pondered the question, the answer caused tears to emerge, so much so that suddenly the road ahead looked very blurry. I wondered if I should pull over.
"Honey, if I could have only one wish from God, it would be that each one of my children walk with God and fulfill the destiny God has for them."
I asked her what her wish would be, and she chattered on (as she usually does) about not really meaning that kind of wish. But my mind was still considering the thought....
I've known many Christian families over the years, some large, some small. But almost every one had a child or two who threw off the wisdom of their family of origin and walked away from God, many of them forever. There were families Tony and I admired and wanted our family to be like when we were getting married. Their children were well-mannered and obedient, seemed to be choosing the Lord, but now I look at the adults those children have become and I'm shocked to see the choices they have made. Some families we admired are a complete wasteland. Some have a few of the children who made it into adulthood with a desire for God and a few who are outright rebels or worse, indifferent. Very, very few have 100 percent success when success is viewed as fulfilling their personal God-given calling.
I'm glad God is not the God of only one wish granted. And yet I wonder at the audacity of my faith. Sometimes it seems I have sacrificed everything the world wants for this one goal. But will it be reached? There are no guarantees when we are talking about the free will of another human being. And what about 13 human beings?? It seems like the odds are against that kind of success rate. If my friends did not succeed with their three, I ask, what makes me think I will with all of mine? This is especially concerning as mine cannot hope to get the kind of one-on-one attention some of my friends provide their children.
But I am reminded that nothing is impossible with God. The same God who gives life can also sustain it and cause it to prosper. “Unless the Lord builds a house,” scripture reminds me, “its workers labor in vain.”
Just as He miraculously provides each day for their food and clothing, God has been so faithful to provide just what each child needs at each time. I am utterly dependent on God and His miracles with my life, and I am committed to helping each child experience God right now, grow with Him, and see themselves as ministers of His truth. I am not dependent on my child -raising techniques, my discipline plan, my chore chart, or any other means of managing my brood. When you have 13 children, you are reminded each day that you absolutely cannot meet all the needs. But that’s where the fun comes in, watching God do it! He provides wisdom, money, health, strength, helpers, security, and every other item we need, material, emotional and spiritual. We never lack when we ask Him. The Lord is our everything, and He is more than enough!
I have many friends whose goal is to be the best parent ever. This kind of thinking puts the focus on the parent. Popular wisdom says the best parents never miss a game their child plays, feed them each meal from the food pyramid, help with homework, limit TV, make sure they brush their teeth three times a day for 3 minutes each time, and on and on. There are so many expectations that a parent could do 90% and still suffer perpetual guilt. And, of course, the expectations change with the environment. I am expected to always keep my child perfectly safe, for instance, but popular wisdom says to always give him or her a choice in every situation. What should we do when those two values contradict each other??
Parenting, after all, is not about the parent. It is about the child. And when we lay down our ideas of what is best and ask God to show us our child’s true needs, we might be surprised how simple parenting becomes.
Walking with God has freed me from confusion. He is the focus of my life. He only directs my paths. His ways are perfect.
If there is one valuable lesson I have learned the hard way in twenty years of parenting, it is that my children become who I am, not what I say. To put it another way, if I had known when I was starting out that my children were watching me and reading every personal thought, I would have paid a lot more attention to my heart and a lot less to the ways I was protecting them and things I was telling them to do.
Think about that. Your child becomes who you are.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and the answer to my heart’s desire astounds me. There are no guarantees in the Kingdom of God. But I have not sacrificed my life and desires to my children. To do that would bring resentment if my hopes for them were unrealized or my love unrequited. No, I have sacrificed my life only to Jesus and He has truly given it back to me as a happy and abundant life, full of hope and peace and promise for the future. Though I long with all my might that each one under my care reaches full potential in Him in this quest, I also realize that it’s really not up to me. I will fix my eyes on Jesus and love Him with all of my being, and He assures me He will make sure no child is left behind.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Keturah Rose
Keturah
Keturah
Pure breath of Heaven
(her name is fragrant rose)
She wriggles.
breathes tiny gurgles
against my cheek
Her dimpled hands,
conducting their own
symphony
Bright eyes gazing solemnly
in her doll face,
tawny wisps of hair
and palest petal skin
Cherub round smile blossoms
Fresh-from-the bath sonnet
of lavender and talc
envelops us
as we rock
our tryst in silent morning
Her name means fragrant rose
Keturah
Pure breath of Heaven
(her name is fragrant rose)
She wriggles.
breathes tiny gurgles
against my cheek
Her dimpled hands,
conducting their own
symphony
Bright eyes gazing solemnly
in her doll face,
tawny wisps of hair
and palest petal skin
Cherub round smile blossoms
Fresh-from-the bath sonnet
of lavender and talc
envelops us
as we rock
our tryst in silent morning
Her name means fragrant rose
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Mystery of Cookies and Prayer
Grace asked tonight at dinner,,,"If God is in charge of everything, why does He want us to pray?? Good question, I thought. I remember asking the same thing at her age or a little younger. My Dad was always a great one for taking a child's answer seriously. Still is. He never felt a question was too silly. More importantly, he did not tell me "I'll tell you when you're older and can understand," or give me any sanctimonious tripe about taking life by faith and not questioning. While he modeled a life of faith, he always said, "the truth can handle any question you can come up with." I know he gave me a great answer back then, about God existing outside of time, and us being inside time, about the difference between knowing and controlling. And yet...
I realized my answer to that question is so different now that I am a Mama. I now understand, for instance, why parents play games with their children, hide Easter eggs for them, ask them to help make cookies. Sure, I could make the cookies myself, without waiting for a child to unwrap the butter, crack the eggs, and generally get their fingers into everything. If I did it myself it would be cleaner and at least twice as fast. But I would miss the companionship, the sense of wonder and accomplishment my children feel when they are part of the process, and I feel by sharing it with them.
Don't we parents love creating the mystery of the wrapped present, just so we can watch them open it?? I have learned that God hides presents for me, not from me, just so He can share the moment with me. To embrace our Lord is to embrace the life of mystery because He loves my childlike wonder in discovering everything He does is GOOD.
In His amazing wisdom, He deemed to submit the happenings on this earth to our connection with Him. It is why we pray without ceasing. Because we walk with Him and He like to makes cookies with His children instead of simply doing everything Himself.
I realized my answer to that question is so different now that I am a Mama. I now understand, for instance, why parents play games with their children, hide Easter eggs for them, ask them to help make cookies. Sure, I could make the cookies myself, without waiting for a child to unwrap the butter, crack the eggs, and generally get their fingers into everything. If I did it myself it would be cleaner and at least twice as fast. But I would miss the companionship, the sense of wonder and accomplishment my children feel when they are part of the process, and I feel by sharing it with them.
Don't we parents love creating the mystery of the wrapped present, just so we can watch them open it?? I have learned that God hides presents for me, not from me, just so He can share the moment with me. To embrace our Lord is to embrace the life of mystery because He loves my childlike wonder in discovering everything He does is GOOD.
In His amazing wisdom, He deemed to submit the happenings on this earth to our connection with Him. It is why we pray without ceasing. Because we walk with Him and He like to makes cookies with His children instead of simply doing everything Himself.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
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