Risky Business

Anybody but me concerned that the Christian life is often presented as a collection of disciplines? Read your Bible, pray every day, and you'll grow. This is a curiosity to me. I even heard someone recently explain walking in the Spirit with the same tried and true rule. You know, I don't mean to insult anyone, but I don't even see these "rules" in the Bible.

Now, before you send me hate mail, let me tell you that I have taught these "good ideas" for Christians to many, many children over the years. My own children have been raised to know and love God's Word, and I have diligently trained them to pray. I wanted my children to know the truth and to be able to discern God's voice from that of others, and I know that the foundation we have laid in their hearts has allowed them to walk intimately with God, but each must walk out his or her true relationship alone. Much as I would like, it is not something I can choose for them.

But I guess what I'm asking is... "Is the discipline really all there is to it?" I've been watching people in church carefully for a number of years now, and I wonder if we have over-simplified the gospel. I know those who teach and believe the gospel is a formula, a prescribed project list, and I have been boggled to see them struggle with the same forms of bondage and stay in the same place as always.... except maybe now with more nice-ness from hanging out with churchy people and learning the lingo.

It seems to me that we might as well tell people who are getting married that intimacy in marriage consists of keeping the house clean and going to work every day. I don't know about you, but my marriage would be very sad indeed if I relied on those types of rules to guarantee intimacy. The adventure of my marriage lies in the relationship that is constantly changing. It lies in the faithful response of joy to my bridegroom's love for me.

The Christians who grow from freedom to even more freedom are those who are willing to risk. They are willing to obey God in the small nudges and large directions no matter the cost in uncertainty.

David Hogan, who has given his life for the Indians in the Mexico hills, and has seen 15 people raised from the dead in his ministry, says it this way.

"Get so far out on the limb that the only One who could possibly save you is God, and then watch Him work!"

This is cultural heresy. We firmly believe that the Bible confirms a 21st century American point of view that calls for "common sense" (ie.. rationalism, where my mind is my god). We cannot even conceive that the Word of God, enlightened by the Spirit of God, might teach about faith that is not merely intellectual assent. James tells us that faith without works is dead, being by itself.

Most people will never see a miracle because they have arranged their lives to be so self-sufficient they think they don't need one. They won't feel God's love in a tangible way, because they have determined to feel in control instead.

What can we call supposed "faith" that never spurs action, repentance, obedience? What if it does not change our lives or those around us? If it is alive, why is there not true fruit? The only answer I see in the Word is that it is alone, and therefore dead.

Faith makes your heart beat a little faster because you know there is truly a risk. Faith is the adventure in a life lived with God. You and I were born to live by faith and not by sight. We were born to be world-changers and not place -holders.

I have a couple of friends who are struggling with their lives because they're so busy being the "respectable Christian woman" they cannot let go and accept the grand adventure a life lived by faith. They have believed the cultural view of nice-ness, church acceptibility, and safety as the ultimate goal for their lives. They have said, "Of course I will obey God," but when the prompting from the Holy Spirit comes, they will not surrender. The question always comes, "How spiritual will this look?" They will not obey if it does not look spiritual to their church ideals. They are stuck, and at least one is considering tossing out her entire life (husband, children, church) for another.

Of couse she is. This is not the life she was meant to live! Her heart is absolutely longing for true romance, for excitement and adventure!! She has convinced herself that it does not exist in Christianity. Pharisees may have prestige and control, but they do not have joy and peace

Intimacy with God is so much more than Bible reading and a prayer list. It is more than journaling and listening to sermons. Intimacy grows with time, cooperation, and obedience. Intimacy with God is about downloading His heart, and being willing to do it all His way. Remember that God loves faith. He looks over the whole earth to reward a person who is full of faith. There's something my Bible does say... repeatedly.

Want to kick-start your spiritual growth? Take the next risk God sends your way, and don't look back in regret when the opposition comes. Keep asking God, "What can I learn from this? Give me your wisdom," and you will be amazed at the miraculous provision God will pour out. Your Bible reading will come alive, and your time with God will be more and more intimate as you do.

Since we walk by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit!!

Mommy, Daddy, Mother

I jetted into KMart the other day to look for some Christmas lights on the way home from the doctor’s office. Along with lights, I carried home another sort of illumination . In fact, it was quite enlightening, if you will pardon the pun. As it turns out, KMart at Christmas time in the liberal college town can be a lesson in virtual parenting.
The first parent I heard rather than saw, while attempting to assess the merits of LED lights versus conventional ones. “Ryan come on!” a young voice whined, “Ryan, I have to make it home by 3:30!!” I turned to see a young twenty-something Mommy talking to her three year old son. Or rather he was careening down the aisles and she was attempting to follow his path of destruction. He would lunge for a toy or an ornament, she would attempt to talk him out of it with some combination of wrestling, cajoling and anger. Meanwhile, her son, completely nonplussed by this familiar routine, continued on his merry way, touching and climbing upon anything that struck his fancy. It was clear that Mommy had absolutely no power in this situation, and more importantly, no authority. In fact, if anyone had authority in this situation, it was the three year old. I am always fascinated by situations such as these. I am pretty sure that the mother does not really want life to be this way. In fact, I am certain, given the desperate look on both their faces, that neither one is happy with the situation.
“What? Not the child?” you may ask. Especially not the child, though he was at that moment getting every whim for which his selfish soul was asking. Little children love limits more than they love freedom, and he was not getting one clear limit. He could not say to himself, “See, my mother does love me more than she loves to whine and procrastinate, more than she is selfish and afraid.” Ryan was literally begging his mother for the control he instinctively knows is illustrated by an adult looking out for him, and coming up empty again and again.
I am so sad for Ryan, and for every child in his shoes. Mostly, their parents are afraid of failing, afraid of looking bad, and uncertain of the best path. In their hearts, they know that others have happy parent/child relationships, but most have no clue how to go about getting them. Their parenting becomes marked by tolerant passivity, then chasing and exhaustion, then whining or bursts of anger. When the child is a baby, Mommy assumes she will be the most doting mother ever, the most loving and giving, and that this will assure her child’s undying loyalty in return. This does not work because it is based on the feeling of love and not the real deal, and it underestimates the power of her child’s selfish nature. This parenting is about the parent rather than about the child. Always remember that love gives the loved one what he best needs to succeed. Young children do not have their own limits, nor the courage, wisdom, or self-control to make them. If a parent makes life about feelings, the child is in trouble. Any child will come into peaceful contentment when the parent gives firm, consistent, happy limits.
Parent number two was behind me as I cost-compared. His voice could be heard throughout the store. Although I was fifty feet away, it made me afraid. This Daddy was not whining, he was growling and barking. Apparently, his son had crossed the line and now Daddy had had enough. He was so furious that even common public niceties went out the window. Anger was the entrée dujour, and he was serving up a plateful and overflowing to his six-year old. “No you are not!!! You are getting right back into the car and sitting by yourself! You are being a baby,” he yelled, “and I am done with this!”
I turned to see a sad little fellow looking up at his father with his eyes full of tears. Worse, Daddy had his elbow, and was unsuccessfully attempting to manhandle him around and out the door. My heart lurched. If this is what the parent will do in public, I always wonder what happens behind closed doors at home. And if Daddy does not think it inappropriate to loudly vent his full anger on a small child in a store, he may be unaware of how angry he really is. No sooner had Daddy and his boys left, than I was confronted with the most disturbing parent of all.
I finally got in a checkout line behind a queue of slightly grouchy, after work shoppers who had each stopped in for “just a few things” and were in a hurry to get home. Because it was KMart, they had only one checker, of course. As soon as I found my place in line six deep, a Mother came up behind me with two daughters, ages about seven and four. The girls walked up next to their mother and stood docile about a foot away from her, waiting patiently and silently, a little closer to the candy and toy display, but not touching it.
No sooner had they arrived, when she started in. “Girls, if you don’t stand over here closer to me,” she warned in a stern, no nonsense tone, “I might have to start taking items off my Christmas list!” The daughters inched closer, and Mother started in again, “Jasmine. If you cannot put on your coat, we will find someone else to give it to. There are plenty of children who would love to have a nice warm winter coat!” Mother continued to wax eloquent, and I did the gradual swing- around-casually thing so I wouldn’t seem to be turning just to look at them. As I did, I saw the littlest girl, who had been quietly holding her coat, was now putting it on. It was warm in the store. As we stood there in line, it became obvious from her continual barrage of dire consequences for nondescript actions that Mother had been reading parenting books which told her that giving consequences was the best way to control your child’s behavior. Unfortunately, what Mother obviously didn’t recognize was that not all behavior must be controlled, especially with such extreme repercussions! Mother had absolute control of her children with her threats, but true authority was still lacking. To me, her case was the saddest of all, because she was making herself and her children miserable, and because she was obviously sure she was “doing it right.”
One of the reasons these displays hurt my heart is that I have been where these parents are and know the pain it causes to both parent and child. Ask any of my large brood and those old enough to respond will all freely admit Mom is not the perfect parent. Sadly, I have chased out-of-control toddlers, vented anger, and gone overboard with consequences on many occasions in my twenty year parenting career. I have also done and said more stupid things as a parent than in any other life capacity --times five! I want the reader to know this, because no friend or acquaintance should think I am judging anyone or waiting to write about their parenting failures. I share this as the voice of experience but I still have a lifetime of learning ahead.
Still, the juxtaposition of Mommy, Daddy, and Mother really arrested my attention. I thought about it all the way home and many times since. Even if their KMart behavior was not typical, it was painful to their children. The saddest part is that most parents could learn a better way and enjoy their children while they are young. Instead of riding the never-ending carousel of idealism, anger, and guilt our culture perpetuates, they could live at peace with serene children who are their parent’s continual joy.
These parents didn’t ask for advice, but I offer it anyway, in hopes somebody out there struggling might have perspective for current or future parenting endeavors.

Advice for Mommy: Make your child’s unquestioned obedience your first priority. His life may depend on it. Make a game of him yelling “Coming!” and running to you at high speed whenever and wherever you call. Do it at home by setting up training sessions when he is enthralled with his toys. Don’t attempt a store until you know you will have success. Most important: when he comes, reward him with hugs, kisses and praise. When (not if) he fails, administer a brief discipline and try again. It should be the most fun! He will soon love being by your side because you are always smiling into his face, telling him how well he did. And he will learn that Mommy always means what she says.

Advice for Dad: It is important that you realize your behavior is rooted in much deeper issues. Do you let things go until you finally notice and crack down?? If so, your children will be always testing your boundaries. Do you have unresolved authority issues with your parents, old teachers, bosses? If you have not submitted to an authority, you will have trouble being the authority your child needs. Do you have unrealistic expectations for children, so they feel they can never please you?? As the old saying goes, you get more flies with honey. If your children get a lot of sunshine from you, they will notice the occasional rain cloud and change their actions accordingly. Make sure your discipline is brief, matter of fact, and you get on to the business of enjoying each other again. Are you lost in a fantasy world on your computer? No wife or child can compete with that unrealistic reality, and unrestrained anger is the result. Confess, and rejoin the real world. As you walk in your repentance with Jesus, the anger will gradually dissipate.

Advice for Mother: Wrong priorities (ie…the house must always be clean, the children must always be quiet and still, children must always look neat, clean and dressed a particular way, and we must be at the meeting on time no matter how late we woke up or who got sick) will press you out of relationship with your children. What you need is to really walk with Jesus. Let His life invade you to the point that you are healed from your deep wounds, and let go of your pre-conceived ideas and everyone else’s ideals. Look at your children honestly. Are they happy?? Learn from those who have happy, healthy children. Here’s a hint. Don’t look at how put-together the parent seems, or how loudly they proclaim their pet theories. Parenting is, after all, about what is best for the child. If the child is happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and loves the parent and siblings, ask that parent for their secrets. Ask for specific advice on your problem areas. Watch how they do it. You may find parenting is not as hard as it once seemed when you gain different priorities.
It seems to me that these KMart examples might look askance at the biblical injunctions for parents. Even so, I have found that Biblical parenting is where the joy is. As the Word says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace.” If true joyful and submitted authority secured the lives of these and many other children, they could settle down and enjoy the ride of childhood with a parent who enjoyed it too. No matter what our background, isn’t that what we all want… a happy, secure relationship with our children? We want them to enjoy being around us, and we want ourselves and others to enjoy being around them. This isn’t our highest goal as parents, but it is the starting block which makes all the rest of the race possible.

TESTED FAITH SHINES LIKE GOLD

I have been sick for three months now…more ill than ever before in my life, and for much longer. There’s an interesting dynamic when you attend a fellowship of believers in divine healing. Your lack of healing becomes everyone’s mission…then question, then intensified mission, then, if like me you continue to remain decidedly un-healed, a chance for some to get discouraged, some to doubt God or their own faith, some to question your faith and even wonder if you are being corrected.

Two years ago I drove my 15 passenger van home on the back roads through grass seed fields, up and over I-5 from an excursion in Lebanon on a bright sunny dry road with visibility clear to the top of Mount Jefferson. As I neared home, a green minivan was stopped at a stop sign at the intersection of Tangent Drive and Tangent Loop. When I started into the intersection, the van pulled out directly in front of me! As I had no stop sign and a clear right of way, this was a bit of a shock. After all, no one tends to miss our Baby Blue Behemoth, especially under these conditions. I braked, rammed into the side of the other vehicle, and careened into a nearby power pole. When I called home, my kids asked, “Is that why we lost power a few minutes ago?”

Our experience with the driver and his passengers were less than encouraging. The men were migrant workers who spoke not one word of English, driving their farm owner’s vehicle which was only registered for the fields, not insured for street use, we found out through the police and firemen who were dispatched to the scene . When I asked if the men had papers proving they came here legally, our answer was that our new governor and legislature had recently made it illegal to ask. “But they caused an accident! Do they even know how to drive, know the laws (know how to wait until the traffic passes)?” I contended! As long as they have driver’s licenses, we aren’t allowed to question anything else, I was told. A recent expose’ on the driver’s license scam for illegal aliens in nearby Portland made me anything but reassured.

That accidental moment two years ago sent me on a long and ponderous journey…one I have begged to be released from, which has yet been the cause of amazing growth. Because of the moment that never should have happened, I spent eleven days in the hospital with trauma-induced pancreatitis, and the next two years with what became reoccurring chronic pain that was debilitating when it would flair. I saw many doctors and specialists, underwent tests of every kind, and took way too many pain medications trying to keep up with my very busy life (and baby number 13 was born in the middle of all this).

I must say, there is nothing quite like the skepticism we endure when doctors have no answers. They want to solve our problems, and when they can’t, it becomes easier to wonder if we are being dramatic or exaggerating. Sometimes I wonder what a doctor gains from treating his patients like hypochondriacs. I fantasize about addressing these doctors: Just because my problem is a mystery does not mean my pain is any less real!

Finally, this September, in the midst of a flair-up and seeking medication when my primary care physician was out, I saw a nurse practitioner who did not examine me, but dubiously asked questions. It was clear by the end that she thought I might merely be a drug-seeker, because she grabbed me and shoved her fist into my side as I was walking out of the room. Apparently she did this just to convince herself whether or not I was really in pain. That inappropriate act set up a chain of events which eventually led to a solution, but which came with the excruciating cost of being in extreme pain for ten weeks. I went home from that appointment, pale and shaking, and dropped exhausted into bed. As we eventually found out, my gall-bladder had also been injured and scarred by the car crash, but until the skeptical nurse injured it further, we didn’t figure that out.

One essential lesson I have learned about medical arenas: Just because you "pass" the test or screening does not ever mean there is guaranteed nothing wrong. My gall-bladder has been pronounced healthy and free of stones (that last part was true) repeatedly by many tests over a period of two years. My blood work did not show an elevated white count, and every chem. test came back normal. A note to doctors… please listen to your patient more than you do to your screen, test, or lab result. You know there is an element of error in every test. In fact, most of these screenings exist to rule out the most common problems and will not diagnose, or even find, all ailments. They are based on averages, and that means that there will be problems which lie outside their scope and range. Why then do you act as if the paper in your hand is a fail-proof analysis of the problem?

Finally, my symptoms began to mirror those of classic gall-bladder problems (Abdominal pain can migrate because of a lack of nerve endings in crucial areas) and one surgeon sent me to have a Hyda-scan performed. The result? Though completely stone-free, my gall-bladder was only functioning at 3%! The day after we got the news, I was in laparascopic surgery. Now, almost three weeks later, I am still healing up. My weakened immune system has been welcoming every virus within sneezing distance. My unhappy hormones have been having a hey-day with what’s left of me. At times like these, I am glad to remember I am a soul who has a body and not the other way around.

And I want with all my heart to be able to say, “I am great!” to the faithful prayers at church, but it is true by faith and not by sight. I want healing so deeply I ache over it and dream about it, despair of it in weak moments. In these moments, my trust is in the goodness of my Lord, rather than any deep understanding of why it had to happen and why I’m still in this desperate sleepless status.

Today I told the Lord, “I surrender. Again. But please Lord, could you make it clear what I am supposed to learn through all this pain and frustration? Please point out the gain in resting while my family’s needs go unmet? Could you work me through it, and give me courage to face whatever the spiritual growth needs to be? My hope is completely in You, oh Lord!”

And sometimes that is where we stay…at hope in Him who holds our hope, resting in His love, grateful for progress though it be tortoise-paced and not so steady. God is growing me to be an intercessor like many who have blessed me…one who prays only what the Lord shows and believes by faith that what He has shown will be done. I want to be one who does not put the burden on the needy to pretend faith they may not have. Lord, make me faithful and faith-full no matter how long the trial. It is a challenge to keep on caring and keep on believing for someone else when you see no outward sign of healing. But if my faith were not tested, my Bible tells me, it would not come forth as gold.

Comments on Abortion from a Facebook Thread

Brad
ABORTION: as far as the whole abortion thing goes, anyone opposed to it should LOOK AT HISTORY. Outlawing abortion does not stop it, it means only the rich have access to doctors in other countries, where it's legal to perform, and that the poor do it with coat hangers in back alleys. I don't think anyone has the right to tell someone else WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR BODY. I don't tell anyone how to worship god, so please don't tell other people what to do with their bodies. Until the Pro-Life people set up adequate child care for EVERYONE, equal education for EVERYONE, counseling for the poor and access to healthcare for the poor, than don't force them to bring UNWANTED CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD. If you like women dying from infections and botched abortions, make it illegal again.
Health care bill: as I've said before in other places, if the insurance companies are for the bill, it means we're going to get screwed. I don't like the bill as it stands, for that reason. We need single payer and until that happens, we are living in a second class nation.It's a blow against freedom to force people to think one way and not the other. Reinforcing the right to make up you're own mind is reinforcing freedom of thought: the right to choose.

John
Well said!! Now lets all go blow up a planned parenthood clinic in the name of god!!!


Brad
Morality is forced on others every day. I think that there's not enough personal responsibility taken in this world today, but do we really need to add tens of thousands of unwanted children sucking up social service monies every year? It's a compromise, and not one I take lightly when I stand for Pro-Choice. I find it personally distasteful that abortion is used as a birth control option, but I find tens of thousands unwanted children being brought into this world an even worse option. I'd rather not have more unwanted children in the world, we have too many already.

James
I agree, we should be allowed one day a year to kill all the worthless eaters! The homeless, the incureably insane, the career criminals... I believe that this is a choice that is best for society. Reinforcing the right to make up you're own mind is reinforcing freedom of thought: the right to choose.

John
I like James' idea. That would motivate people to be better contributors to society. But we just need to add one more group. Boy Bands!!!

James
Right on John! Include the boy bands! Oh here we go .... add the leadership of the Demorats and the Repuglicrumbs!

Olivia
Y'all are a mess!


Diana
Brad way to go on starting this discussing now if we could all go to congress and tell them how we feel and that we are the ones that put them in office and that they DO work for us maybe they would do what the people want instead of the lobbyist, and the oil company's they need to remember these words " We the people"

Jodi
Banning abortion is a-ok with me, so long as in addition to the ban, there are permanent and fully comprehensive services to deal with the increased population. Like the non-exhaustive list Brad gave before. It seems like the pro-lifers care about the babies until birth-3 months, and then don't care about the social services being cut for said babies or their mothers. And heaven forbid there is any comprehensive sex education funded that would prevent the pregnancies in the first place. I would like to see more solutions offered by the pro-lifers. Sure, get rid of abortion.. and then? What is going to be done with the extra millions of mouths to feed, the drain on an already strained system, schools maxed out, whatever? I just never see anything addressing the "after" part of banning abortion. Just a blanket prohibition, with none of the backlash of the prohibition addressed.
I appreciate the stance, but would like it to become a more practical than ideological one when people try to use it to make laws. I don't like babies being killed, but I'm realistic enough to know that stopping that presents a host of other problems no one on that side seems willing to care much about or offer ideas on.

Nicholas
you have quite a variety of friends, Brad! As far as the "birth control" argument goes, you'd have to be clinically insane to use abortion as such. It's one of the most emotionally scarring actions any woman can take. And anyways, Prohibition doesn't work. Prohibition doesn't work, and furthermore, PROHIBITION DOESN'T WORK! If you want to stop abortions, be a teacher. be a good parent, be a mentor, foster parent, good neighbor and good friend. Or get a vasectomy. It's the most effective form of birth control, and you pro-lifers don't like gray areas, do you?

How can you be pro-life if you leave a chance for an unwanted pregnancy to occur on your watch? Put your money where your balls are.
Hell, shouldn't all of us guys get one anyway? Who here thinks the human race should break the 7 billion mark? I sure hope the health care bill covers vasectomies.

Brad
Nick, I have I like to expose my brain to alternate EVERYTHING. My criteria for adding facebook friends is easy. I know you, I know someone you know, you have an interesting picture, or I just feel like adding you for the hell of it. It sure has made it interesting. I've met some really cool/different people on here, some of whom I'm diametrically opposed to politically. I like all of them, "friend or foe," because, for the most part, everyone has some valid points to make.
Yesterday at 2:37pm

Diana
thank you Brad


James
Based on the emails I have received people have missed the point I have made, so let me simplify it. I am Pro-Choice. It is a right. So is freedom of the press, the right to bear arms, and ability to drink alcohol. It is NOT the responsibility of the government to buy me a newspaper, a gun to buy me a newspaper, a gun or a drink. A right is something a citizen may personally choose to act upon, not is something they are required to do. And the government's job is to protect rights, not enforce or provide for. Read both John Adam and Thomas Jefferson.

PS: The house bill would cover vasectomies (in part)

PPS: and if you do support the ability to provide low cost abortions, write a check to Planned Parenthood. Don't use the excuse that you are a poor student. Send the check and then go to a bar. Tell people you aren't having a drink because you gave your beer money to Planned Parenthood, so you have none to drink on. You will have more drinks bought for you than you donated, and you may get a date too. Women go for men that support women's rights.


Nicholas
James, I like your thinking!

James
But not a single penny of federal money should be used to cover abortions!

Brad
Valid points, James, but I still think it's cheaper to provide abortions then it is take care of unwanted children. Cheaper monetarily, and as a cost to society. Do we really need more socially misfit kids who can grow up into criminals, that we then have to pay to keep in jail? As for vasectomies, do the stupid people get those, or the smart people who have valid reasoning skills?

Nicholas
Anyone who wants to have a future for anyone. No mandates, of course. I think breeding at this time, when 40,000 children die of malnutrition a day, when the current population is already killing the planet plenty fast enough, is completely irresponsible in every manner. Smart people with valid reasoning skills will realize it's a fool's bet to expect your progeny to do anything but consume more, and that the responsibility to change things before it's too late falls squarely on their shoulders.
It's like James said. you can't force morality on others. We can't expect our children to be the next Ghandi, WE have to BE the next Ghandi.


Brad
See, that's the fly in the ointment. We force morality on others every day. Why is the drinking age 21 in the U.S., but for most of the world, it's 18? This was done, supposedly, to stop young people from dying in car crashes. Yet, at 18, they can join the armed forces and kill other humans. I consider that xxxxed up. Instead of legislating problems and trying to control actions with laws, we COULD increase funding for pre-school through college and just MAKE SMARTER PEOPLE. That makes more sense to me, yet we don't because Americans want a magic pill to solve their problems. We want short term solutions to long term problems and we can't seem to get that IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Ok, not the clearest argument, but the coffee is making me spastic and I've been doing homework since 10am.

Lisa
I just love it whan people start talking about the woman's right to abort....has anyone ever asked the baby for their opinion?

Brad
No, frankly, I don't support the right of fetuses to be born into a world that doesn't want them. Life is a crapshoot, and that's just the way it is. Life IS NOT FAIR, even to the unborn FETUSES. I'm just wondering, what's more unfair. Being an unborn FETUS who doesn't get born and is never truly cognizant of life, or being born to a mother who doesn't want you, in a world that doesn't want you, that wishes you were dead?

Lisa
I'm sorry that you feel that way.. there are just coule prolebms with your arguement.... I have never heard any woman say " I'm going to have a fetus" IT IS A BABY..I know far more women willing to adopt these "unwanted" children than I know women who have had abortions.Your remaks are quiet offensive ,especially to myself(and millions of others) ... Read Morewho had addopted one of those fetus'.Being that the nervous system is the first thing formed in a newly concieved child ~thet ARE cognizanyt of pain >>>just watch a video /utrasound of an abotion....the poor baby tries to move away as his tiny limbs are sucked of his body....Maybe we should try this on adults that think it's OK.

I'm sorry that you feel that way.. there are just coule problems with your argument.... I have never heard any woman say " I'm going to have a fetus" IT IS A BABY.. I know far more women willing to adopt these "unwanted" children than I know women who have had abortions. Your remaks are quite offensive ,especially to myself (and millions of others) who had adopted one of those fetus'. Being that the nervous system is the first thing formed in a newly conceived child ~they ARE cognizant of pain >>>just watch a video /utrasound of an abortion....the poor baby tries to move away as his tiny limbs are sucked of his body....Maybe we should try this on adults that think it's OK.

Brad
Well, for one thing, we're not killing babies 3 days before they're due. The majority of abortions occur in the first trimester. (And, we do do this to adults, it's called capital punishment. And the people who suffer this usually came from families that, for the most part, didn't want them as children, abused them, and didn't have the proper upbringing and social net to save them.) Also, while not fully informed on all aspects of this issue, I am sure of one thing. We have too many children that go unadopted now. Do we really need more people on this planet when we can't take care of the ones already here? Why don't we solve the problems first, then bring more people into this world. And another thing, by cognizant, I don't mean aware of pain. Fish are aware of pain, trees are aware of pain, cows are aware of pain. Are you going to stop using wood now? Or eating fish?

Peggy
I agree Lisa. The choice comes before conception (have sex or not). I think it is always interesting to hear the abortion argument from the mans standpoint. What if all men under a certain income and education level were required to have a vasectomy, would we need to have abortions? Some of the arguments made previously sound like only low income women who can't afford babies get abortions. Why is it the women we look at here??? It does take two and by doing it this way, no babies die. What ever happened to personal responsibility???

Ilene
Just a thought....How many women do you think would opt for abortion if it included mutilation of their genitalia to the point that they could never enjoy sex again? Hmmm...just something to ponder....

Brad
Nothing I'm saying here hasn't been said by a woman already. Your point of view seems rather uninformed and non-empathetic. I grew up in a house where my mom celebrated Roe vs. Wade and she kept fighting for womens rights until she died, all while she was making less money than a man for doing the same job. Did you read all of this thread? Because, historically, the rich were never affected by illegal abortions, they just sent their children to Europe where it was legal. I already mentioned personal responsibility, also. About the vasectomy: that's funny, that's the birth control that we, America, support in third world countries. Lower caste males in India are paid $5 or given a cheap item such as a transistor radio to get a vasectomy. (We should do that here! Except, I want a new car. Hey, I'm American, I'm not cheap like some "untouchable" lower caste Indian.) And the reason we look at the woman, and not the man, is because IT'S HER BODY, not his or anyone else's. The final decision should be up to her. Not me. Not you. Her.

Lisa
Brad, again there are several untruths in what you have written. While I will agree that you have right to your opinion, I also need to make you sure that folks with your way of thinking have the facts.
#1 While many (not most )abortions are preformed 1st trimester. Some women ARE exercising their 'right' 3 days prior to birth.Its called partial birth abortion~I'm sure you hvae heard of it.
#2. Have you ever looked at the time lines to adopt a newborn baby? There are not enough babies to go around,many families wait YEARS to get a baby. That's one reason why we go to other countries.
#3 Yes we do have Capital Punishment...for people that have commited heinous crimes....PLEASE tell me what the baby has done wrong......also, an equally important idea to think about :Capital punishment is NOT painful,it is done in a sterile, controlled enviornment,new needles are used for the injection as to not spread disease (that seems like a mute point) Criminals are put to death after years of trials and chances .Abortion is done because some woman decided it was not convenient to have a baby (this is the #1 reason for abortion)
#4.Trees do not feel pain-Babies do.As far as the fish argument ,they were given to us by God for food (I'm sure that opens up a whole new arguement for you)
#5 .It is not a rich/poor issue. It is a matter of taking responsibiliy for your actions,something no one wants to do anymore.


LeahDeVyldere:
Interesting thread. I have heard it all before, but maybe not to this degree. Am I to understand that you gentlemen actually support government funding of not only abortion, but the killing of anyone considered unwanted?
Abortion is the only instance I can think of where the identity of something or someone depends on its method of destruction, or perhaps its location (in or out of the uterus). Is it a fetus because it is doomed to premature death? Scott Peterson was accused of a double murder because his son was a wanted child. If we are honest, this is ridiculous!
How many unwanted children have become amazing human beings, capable of not only changing the world for good, but contributing to those too selfish to understand the value of life? If you believe in human rights, then I don't see how you can decide which people have value in the world and which do not. Isn't this worse than war?? In the past, it was considered courageous to protect the lives of children. Now, we are reduced to "Screw anyone else's rights..what's in it for me?"
Have you studied psychology and social justice? Do you know that sociopaths such as Hitler and Jeffrey Dahlmer have the highest "self -esteem"... I guess they were valuable and wanted. Kip Kinkle also grew up very wanted and educated by upper middle class parents who were both teachers. Maybe you don't consider their actions (systematically killing others)wrong or unwise, since legislating morality is inappropriate. And I guess the desired result is achieved...less people on the planet!
Your assumptions against those born in poverty are laughable. I doubt you would walk up to your gas station attendant or waiter and tell him his life is worthless, that he should end it all. Why not? Because I hope you would respect his right to make something of himself, regardless of the fact that he currently makes minimum wage.Or maybe he wants to make minimum wage all his life. Isn't that his right??
Reducing the number of people on the planet will not make sure that the ones here will be wise...or even fed. People are not starving because of lack of humanitarian aid. They are suffering because of incredibly foolish and selfish leadership. Look at the last tsunami in Indonesia for proof. The world stood ready to end the suffering of thousands and their government prevented this.
In fact, the governments in question sound a bit like you two, negating the value of human rights, the responsibility of each human for their own sexuality, and flaunting your freedom to do so.
Ironically, I am raising children who are well-educated and value all rights, including those of the unborn. Though I have many, they are all wanted. Therefore, I guess I'm okay to not kill them. Just in case, I hope you don't mind if I don't introduce them to you.
How can anyone pretend to be for human rights if they arbitrarily deny rights to some while insuring those of others? Legislating morality is something every law does, by the way, and I don't think anyone here is advocating a world without laws. The key to laws, as I understand them, is to balance the rights of individuals.
I have heard this kind of double thinking before. When we did not want to honor the right of native Americans, we called them "savages" and took their land. It was an excuse for selfishness and potential wealth for those in power. When we wanted slaves to run rich plantations, we imported African people and "owned" them. Those who did this denied the clear proof that these were not unfeeling animals or savages. They were people. Our populace eventually admitted this and gave them the rights they deserved.
In fact this particular thinking is common everywhere in the world that genocide breaks out. There are seemingly not enough resources... someone is inhuman and undesirable so they do not deserve to live. To Hitler, it was the Jews who were less than human and in the way of the greater good. Your arguments are not new. So if we call some babies "fetuses" we can kill them without conscience??
So the question is whether we are or are not endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness... If, as I suspect, you have trouble with this statement, it is perhaps the part about the Creator? You have no reason to fight for the rights of anyone but those you deem worthy. Congratulations, but these beliefs may put you on a slippery slope!

Reading time with Ezra

Read Aloud Blues

Once upon a time, a mother sat down to read a book to her four month old baby. Twenty years later, she still reads the same book to another four month old. No, not her grandchild. Her own. And in between those two times wer an infinite number of other times just like them, stretching all the way between like an intricate web of words and learning.
Quiz: What’s the single most important factor in a child’s reading ability and therefore, his success in school? Yup! You guessed it. Parents who read aloud to their kids give them a huge head start on all language and reading skills which are often never surpassed by any other learning exercise. As the mother of thirteen who just today celebrated 20 years of parenting with the birthday of my eldest child, I had an epiphany:
Reading aloud to my children has irrevocably damaged my brain.
Sure, I began reading when they were babies and all of my children were early talkers and readers. But this scary thought occurred to me tonight as I was blithely rhyming my way through Apple Pigs which I couldn’t really see due to the three children on my lap and one leaning over the side of the rocker. Ezra kept pointing out his favorite parts of the book over and over again so it sounded like “Once in our garden there stood an old tree (quiwo! quiwo!- which is squirrel in two year old in case you were wondering.) No blossoms, no leaves, no fruit for me,” (birdie! birdie!). As I pressed on, my thought was, “He’ll get through this stage. I remember Jerusha was a big one for doing that when she was a little over a year. Every day we would read the little book about the Bible, and she would point out the kitty on every page. I used to wonder if she would think the Bible was about kitties.”
And then it hit me. Though that time seems like yesterday, Jerusha is currently seventeen years old!
I have been reading the very same books repeatedly many times a day for 20 years! Now I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a big deal. But let me remind you that these books are not literary classics. I’m not reading Ben Hur(although I have gone through the Little House Series three times now with each successive age group) or books that can be reasonably plumbed to their ultimate depths in 20 years of re-reading. I’m reading Dr. Seuss and board books with entrancing titles like “Apple, Ducks, Block” Incidentally, that particular book is a true classic in its own right because it has managed to make it through thirteen babies and still be readable, or at least gummable.. It meets the criteria for excellent board book in my mind because it has clear pictures of every day objects in a child’s world, one simple word on each page, and it made it through the one-year-old Elijah demolition cyclone intact.
Seriously, folks. Its not a wonder that my children start college at 15 and 16. The wonder is that their mother is still a relatively sane human being who can carry on a fairly decent conversation. Give me another year and I’ll crack. This is how it’ll sound...

Neighbor getting mail: “Good morning, Leah!”
Me (bemused) “... Get up! It’s day! The sun is up! Day is not a time for sleep. Now all the dogs get up! Go dogs go!”
Neighbor backing away, “Go?? Okay! See you tomorrow!”
Me (still muttering on the way into the house) ...”If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk...and if you give him the milk....”

At the store...
Me :“A a A a What begins with A?”
Produce guy: “Asparagus? Apples?”
Me: “Aunt Annie’s Alligator, A a A”
Cashier: “That’ll be $167.42”
Me: “Many mumbling mice are making midnight music in the moonlight mighty nice.”
Cashier:” Debit... Please enter your PIN Number...”
Me: “Silly Sammy Slick sipped six sodas and got sick, sick, sick!”
Kids: “Mom, what are we having for dinner??”
Me: “Jam on bread. We like that. When its sticky and it lingers, we can lick it off our fingers.”

The rhyming is catchy. That’s what makes it maddeningly easy to learn. Ask anyone who pens jingles for a living why they write the way they do and the answer will have nothing to do with creative license and innovation. It has everything to do with stickiness, or the way the concept sticks with you. Have you ever said, “I just can’t get that stupid song out of my head?” THAT is why we have Dr. Seuss! Of course, little children LOVE repetition more than they love peanut butter sandwiches. It helps them learn. And, God help me, I am a sucker for a learning child. It just never gets old. I love to see their responses, see them thinking and developing language. I may have read “Apple Ducks Block” a conservative 140,000 times in my life, but to Keturah, it’s brand new. And so for me, its also brand new every time I share it with her.
I have a feeling that as my strength and agility give way to old age, the only thoughts left in my poor confused brain will be these bits of my “Mommy Mantra.” After all, its not my amazing sparks of insight that take up most of my days, not my wisdom gleaned over 30 years of teaching children, not even the Bible verses I memorized which have made the deepest grooves in my grey matter..It’s little snatches of literary fluff that have formed shocking crevasses in my cerebellum from the sheer repetition of them. No brainwashed POW has anything on me. After all, I did it voluntarily. I made my mouth form the words “Pat-a-Cake, Pat-a-Cake Baker’s Man” and “Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill” more often than any other phrases over a two decade span, and this includes the ever maternally popular “Did you make your bed?” and “Don’t put the cat in the toilet!” I’ve spoken the tongue-twisting rhymes or ploddingly mundane labels over and over , more often than anything besides diaper changing, and you don’t want to know what THAT”S done to my psyche.
I’ve stated these phrases in my sleep, especially the restless sleep with a new baby and a sick toddler. I’ve even found interesting deep parapsychology in them at times that seems to fade with morning light. I’ve repeatedly the seemingly innocuous words until they had a life of their own, a sort of family culture that binds my children to each other through the shared experience base. We all replayed the Amelia Bedelia predicament with misunderstanding words of double entendre’. We’ve laughed at the Stupids, thrilled at the independence of the Boxcar Children and solved mysteries with Encyclopedia Brown.
“Once upon a time,” begins the most magical time I know, parental brain damage notwithstanding.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
THE END

Chatterbox Leah Faith (with Keturah)

No Child Left Behind

"Mom," six year-old Faith asked from the backseat, "if you could have only one wish, what would it be??"
As I pondered the question, the answer caused tears to emerge, so much so that suddenly the road ahead looked very blurry. I wondered if I should pull over.
"Honey, if I could have only one wish from God, it would be that each one of my children walk with God and fulfill the destiny God has for them."
I asked her what her wish would be, and she chattered on (as she usually does) about not really meaning that kind of wish. But my mind was still considering the thought....
I've known many Christian families over the years, some large, some small. But almost every one had a child or two who threw off the wisdom of their family of origin and walked away from God, many of them forever. There were families Tony and I admired and wanted our family to be like when we were getting married. Their children were well-mannered and obedient, seemed to be choosing the Lord, but now I look at the adults those children have become and I'm shocked to see the choices they have made. Some families we admired are a complete wasteland. Some have a few of the children who made it into adulthood with a desire for God and a few who are outright rebels or worse, indifferent. Very, very few have 100 percent success when success is viewed as fulfilling their personal God-given calling.
I'm glad God is not the God of only one wish granted. And yet I wonder at the audacity of my faith. Sometimes it seems I have sacrificed everything the world wants for this one goal. But will it be reached? There are no guarantees when we are talking about the free will of another human being. And what about 13 human beings?? It seems like the odds are against that kind of success rate. If my friends did not succeed with their three, I ask, what makes me think I will with all of mine? This is especially concerning as mine cannot hope to get the kind of one-on-one attention some of my friends provide their children.
But I am reminded that nothing is impossible with God. The same God who gives life can also sustain it and cause it to prosper. “Unless the Lord builds a house,” scripture reminds me, “its workers labor in vain.”
Just as He miraculously provides each day for their food and clothing, God has been so faithful to provide just what each child needs at each time. I am utterly dependent on God and His miracles with my life, and I am committed to helping each child experience God right now, grow with Him, and see themselves as ministers of His truth. I am not dependent on my child -raising techniques, my discipline plan, my chore chart, or any other means of managing my brood. When you have 13 children, you are reminded each day that you absolutely cannot meet all the needs. But that’s where the fun comes in, watching God do it! He provides wisdom, money, health, strength, helpers, security, and every other item we need, material, emotional and spiritual. We never lack when we ask Him. The Lord is our everything, and He is more than enough!
I have many friends whose goal is to be the best parent ever. This kind of thinking puts the focus on the parent. Popular wisdom says the best parents never miss a game their child plays, feed them each meal from the food pyramid, help with homework, limit TV, make sure they brush their teeth three times a day for 3 minutes each time, and on and on. There are so many expectations that a parent could do 90% and still suffer perpetual guilt. And, of course, the expectations change with the environment. I am expected to always keep my child perfectly safe, for instance, but popular wisdom says to always give him or her a choice in every situation. What should we do when those two values contradict each other??
Parenting, after all, is not about the parent. It is about the child. And when we lay down our ideas of what is best and ask God to show us our child’s true needs, we might be surprised how simple parenting becomes.
Walking with God has freed me from confusion. He is the focus of my life. He only directs my paths. His ways are perfect.
If there is one valuable lesson I have learned the hard way in twenty years of parenting, it is that my children become who I am, not what I say. To put it another way, if I had known when I was starting out that my children were watching me and reading every personal thought, I would have paid a lot more attention to my heart and a lot less to the ways I was protecting them and things I was telling them to do.
Think about that. Your child becomes who you are.
I’ve thought about this a lot, and the answer to my heart’s desire astounds me. There are no guarantees in the Kingdom of God. But I have not sacrificed my life and desires to my children. To do that would bring resentment if my hopes for them were unrealized or my love unrequited. No, I have sacrificed my life only to Jesus and He has truly given it back to me as a happy and abundant life, full of hope and peace and promise for the future. Though I long with all my might that each one under my care reaches full potential in Him in this quest, I also realize that it’s really not up to me. I will fix my eyes on Jesus and love Him with all of my being, and He assures me He will make sure no child is left behind.

Keturah Rose

Keturah Rose

Keturah
Keturah
Pure breath of Heaven
(her name is fragrant rose)
She wriggles.
breathes tiny gurgles
against my cheek
Her dimpled hands,
conducting their own
symphony
Bright eyes gazing solemnly
in her doll face,
tawny wisps of hair
and palest petal skin
Cherub round smile blossoms
Fresh-from-the bath sonnet
of lavender and talc
envelops us
as we rock
our tryst in silent morning
Her name means fragrant rose

Gracie at Soccer Saturday

The Mystery of Cookies and Prayer

Grace asked tonight at dinner,,,"If God is in charge of everything, why does He want us to pray?? Good question, I thought. I remember asking the same thing at her age or a little younger. My Dad was always a great one for taking a child's answer seriously. Still is. He never felt a question was too silly. More importantly, he did not tell me "I'll tell you when you're older and can understand," or give me any sanctimonious tripe about taking life by faith and not questioning. While he modeled a life of faith, he always said, "the truth can handle any question you can come up with." I know he gave me a great answer back then, about God existing outside of time, and us being inside time, about the difference between knowing and controlling. And yet...
I realized my answer to that question is so different now that I am a Mama. I now understand, for instance, why parents play games with their children, hide Easter eggs for them, ask them to help make cookies. Sure, I could make the cookies myself, without waiting for a child to unwrap the butter, crack the eggs, and generally get their fingers into everything. If I did it myself it would be cleaner and at least twice as fast. But I would miss the companionship, the sense of wonder and accomplishment my children feel when they are part of the process, and I feel by sharing it with them.
Don't we parents love creating the mystery of the wrapped present, just so we can watch them open it?? I have learned that God hides presents for me, not from me, just so He can share the moment with me. To embrace our Lord is to embrace the life of mystery because He loves my childlike wonder in discovering everything He does is GOOD.
In His amazing wisdom, He deemed to submit the happenings on this earth to our connection with Him. It is why we pray without ceasing. Because we walk with Him and He like to makes cookies with His children instead of simply doing everything Himself.

Catamaran at Land's End, Cabo

Mexico Vacation Pix

Los Cabos, Mexico

Well, here I am on vacation. This is a relatively unusual occurance (our last vacation was eleven years ago) and I'm reveling in the opportunity! We got bumped on a flight from a work trip last June, which gave us two free tickets to wherever Alaska flies, then my wonderful, amazing sister Sarah offered to watch our kids if we could go during spring break when hers were off. We had only about 5 weeks to plan the whole deal, and would you believe the only warm place Alaska flies that would take our ticket during spring break was Los Cabos, Mexico??? So with a rush to get passports and a million other details, it became obvious this trip was a God thing.
So, we watch the sun rise over the Sea of Cortez, lay in the sun by the pool/ ocean, and two days ago during lunch we saw a whale cavorting with her calf. She jumped out of the water at least nine times. It was spectacular! We went on sunset dinner cruise, compliments of the resort, on which we saw Lands' End, the window to the Pacific, and more whales. Then we watched Mexican dancers and had an amazing meal.
Yesterday we went to Cabos San Lucas on the bus, about 20 miles, with many stops, and part of it we were standing. I had just put on suntan lotion, so I was having trouble holding on. What an interesting experience that was. The resort helped us get these tickets to go on a large catamaran for a three hour tour that included a stop for snorkeling, lunch, and sea kayaking. This was very cool.
Afterward, we did the souvenier thing, still trying to learn how it all works. Tony especially disliked this part, as its tough to figure the dollar/ peso conversion while dickering, and wondering if these poor people are getting enough to stay alive. I learned to treat it like a game, and thought it was kind of fun. We ate dinner in yet another ristorante with one wall and barely a roof, but the food was decent. I must go, so I'll tell you more later.

Beware The Borrowers

The Borrowers
You have to know me. I am the home school mom who shuns the Little Mermaid and Dragon Tales. We turn off Sesame Street in my house if they start talking about witches or sorcerers. But there’s one set of fantasy characters I can’t help believing in with all my heart. In fact, as the mom of thirteen, my faith has grown over the years. I believe in the Borrowers.
You probably read the books as a child. You know, the supposedly fictitious little people who lived under the floorboards of the English country house and later lived in a shoe in the country. Long before Honey I Shrunk the Kids, the Borrowers were doing what they do best, making a living unseen by human eyes by borrowing items we humans thought we had misplaced.
In our first house, my husband and I didn’t have any Borrowers. It was small, and at first there were just the two of us. When I set down a book I was reading, for instance, it would remain in the same place, bookmark unmoved, until I picked it up again. In those days, I never paid a library fine, never spent any time looking for a pencil or a safety pin. My dishes did not migrate around the house. I never found a fork under the computer table, for instance.
But I digress. As a young mom, I had little trouble with the Borrowers. Occasionally they would pop up to take some significant item. The Borrowers in that house really only liked infant socks and an occasional toddler shoe. Oh, and sometimes they enjoyed sifting through my bills and papers when I wasn’t looking. Everything else was carefully managed by one energetic and well-meaning neurotic mother…me. They couldn’t get much past me. I was vigilant. I wanted to set out traps, but when my husband looked at me like I was… inhumane? I gave up the idea, albeit a bit resentfully.
Those missing socks got me though. Every time I would dress the baby he would be missing a sock. The cheeky critters were bold enough to assault my little ones whenever they were out of my sight. Every day I would feed socks two by two into the washer, and every day I would fold the dryer load and find that some were missing. I knew the Borrowers lived somewhere behind the washer and dryer, but I never understood how they got in there and back out safely, what with all the spinning and hot water and such. And what did they do with little socks and shoes?? I had fantasies of moving the washer to find them, wearing completely mismatched shirts and hats Homily had cut and sewn out of infant socks, using the toddler shoe as a child’s bed, perhaps? I often wondered if that missing Christmas card from Aunt Lou was the wallpaper in their makeshift home. I guess now I’ll never know.
That early batch of Borrowers were lightweights compared to the ones who now infest our house. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that our current home is completely inundated with little people who take whatever they want whenever they want. Like a hoard of greedy mice, they live in every crack and corner, ready to pounce on anything that is ever out of our sight, if only for a second. Though these Borrowers still have a penchant for baby shoes and socks, nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) is now safe from their thievery. If anyone in the family lays down a book for any amount of time, for instance, that book immediately disappears. Apparently the Borrowers in this present house are avid readers, because the books usually reappear in the oddest places, such as under the bed, on the porch swing, in the cereal cupboard, or on the trampoline the day after it rains. On more than one memorable occasion, stolen items have been found in our fifteen passenger van in the trash bins or out in the garage. How they do it, I’ll never know, but these Borrowers display creativity that belies their appetite for Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys. I hate to admit it, but library fees are common in our household. In fact we now consider fines the price we have to pay for allowing the Borrowers to remain un-confronted for so long. Vigilance is out the window. We now live to make peace with the Borrowers.
Its cowardly I know, but as an older mom with only so much energy, I have to pick which battles I choose to fight. In fact, my current goal is to purchase enough pacifiers, pencils, earrings, socks, and paper clips that the house actually has a saturation point. Drop a pacifier and can’t find it? No matter. You’ll probably find one the Borrowers are finished with under the couch cushion. It takes all my power of denial to keep from asking where it’s been. In our house, when it comes to the Borrowers, the rule is “Don’t Ask; Don’t tell.” And I would add: “Try not to imagine.”
I used to ask questions when, as vigilant Mom, I felt it was my role to interrogate the last person to see the missing items. Such interrogation was always pointless. Even in those simpler days when less was going on and possessions were fewer, I quickly realized all questioning was essentially futile. My children, of course, were then and continue to be, careful and conscientious about these matters. They consistently put things away where they belong without prompting except in the occasional instance when I happen to be in the room and watching them. At those times, they might forget, and I would remind. But all other times out of my sight they are independently perfectionists about their possessions. Just ask them.
In fact, to hear my honest and trustworthy children tell it, the Borrowers we began to harbor were a dangerous lot, indeed. These aggressive Borrowers have even taken perfectly sharpened pencils out of my dutiful students’ hands as they are working on assignments at the kitchen table. But since I have taken to buying the thousand-pack at Costco, my students only have minor inconvenience in sharpening another from the drawer. Since the stories began to rival the stuff of nightmares, I stopped asking. And I’m a much happier woman for having done so.
I’ve taken to offering a bounty for missing items we need, say a penny for a pencil. In this way, we’ve managed to wrest a few items away from the tiny robbers. But the majority of small possessions remain lost to us forever, or at least until the Borrowers are done with them. The only problem with offering pennies is that the Borrowers are especially fond of taking those also when they get out into circulation. The Borrowers are particularly mean to little children when it comes to pennies, often taking them out of pockets and even hands.
Although I live to make peace with them, the Borrowers still make my family’s life much harder than it needs to be. Many a college homework assignment has disappeared when it was almost finished, and had to be redone in a late-night scurry. Besides library fines, there is the inevitable financial drain they impose. I still hate the thought that I am supporting such a large army of remorseless wastrels, but what else can I do? If only I had the time and courage to call in the fumigators.
Sometimes, I am amazed at the Borrowers’ daring and ingenuity. How do they get inside the refrigerator to eat the half of brownie I brought home from the restaurant? While don’t they eat the leftover chili instead? I can imagine the feast they have, the little buggers, but still it fascinates to think they got in and out without being seen or trapped inside.
These days the sock question is a complete loss. In my house, a person is lucky to have any clean laundry, and two socks that fit (sort-of) even if they are your big brother’s and you found them under the bed. Matching is completely immaterial… and overrated.
And there are still some things I can’t imagine any Borrower would value. What do they do with all the silverware, for instance? Ten years ago, my husband bought me three sets of nice silverware in a pattern I chose. I was so thrilled. But today, I have ten forks, all mismatched, that I picked up from Goodwill. I figure what’s the use having nice things when the Borrowers will take them in a wink? And why do they like forks and spoons best? Every one knows knives are more useful. When we have company or the boys come home from college, somebody has to use plastic, but I don’t care. I draw the line at buying nice silverware if it’s only to be used for weapons and catapults and such and never seen by human eyes again.
And what do they do with earrings? Why do they like the pearls I got for birthdays and anniversary best? Is there some currency in their simple society or are they used as marbles for a child’s game? Who do they call on the cell phone before they return it to my coat pocket or under my chair? These questions could drive me crazy if I let them. Soccer shin guards and jerseys seem to be Borrower favorites, along with brushes and ponytail holders. As the mom of eight daughters, I have spent enough on ponytail holders to shoot a Borrower to the moon. I hope he likes it up there.
I end this confession to get ready for church. You’ll recognize me there. I’m the one with mismatched socks, one earring, and a van load of happy kids.

You've Come A Long Way Baby!

I was asked my thoughts on turning 43 (which is almost 45, which is almost 50, as Jazz says).
My mom gave me a card with a picture of my kindergarten graduation. She had a nostalgic moment, to which my dad added “You’ve come a long way baby!” and she and I had an interesting conversation about appreciating children while they are still young and with you. I am reminded that this is one of the advantages of having children continuously for 20 years. You realize that what everyone in the grocery store tells you is really a universal truth- Enjoy it; it goes so fast. I still look at pictures of my oldest ones as babies and I am in awe of how quickly they became adults, or at least adults-in-training out of my home and never to live here again. In a way I get the grandparent view with little ones still in my home. Well-meaning strangers tell you that the enamored looks will end, but with the optimism of a first-time parent I hoped that it would be different for me. I will be such a wonderful mommy that my children will be loyal and enamored with me forever. Back then I didn’t understand that this teen pulling into his or her own world thing is a process of growth and development, and that one of the signs of success is that they now strike out on their own. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I do have relationships with my boys that make many parents envious. But I so miss those times of dependence when they needed me and I was their whole world. Being an older mama makes me treasure these baby and toddler moments so much more. I remember days when the utter tediousness of my life, coupled with the perfectionism with which I approached it, often brought me to despair. It was so overwhelming at times I had no idea how I was going to make it through one more diaper change, let alone one more day. And now the days fly past and I can almost envision Keturah waving goodbye as we leave her at the dorm even as I currently kiss her damp curly head and rock her to sleep.

I look back with awe at all that God has done in me, and forward with anticipation of all in the new era ahead.

My regrets?
I stressed about money instead of investing wholeheartedly in the ventures the Lord directed.
I used to make parenting much more about me than the children.
Because of this, I didn’t laugh enough, didn’t have enough grace for mistakes.
I feared that every little misdeed was unsolvable.
My prayer life suffered as I worked and worked.
I missed the treasure times because I was washing windows or folding clothes.
I missed some tiny attitudes that grew into ugly weeds.
My life was completely absorbed by my family.

My Gratitude?
That I’ve grown to love God’s investment opportunities.
That my parenting is all about the growth of the child.
That I can laugh and have fun, forgive and forget.
That I’ve become more approachable and can share my life.
I’ve really learned not to sweat the small stuff, and (how much of it really is small stuff).
Prayer is my life, and prayer works.
I delegate more, treasure more moments as they happen, have dirty windows and perpetual laundry.
I can see now how much attitude is everything, and how attitudes grow into fixed character.
My personality is separate and unique from my family: I am a wife, mama, tester, children’s ministry director, friend, but those are only facets of who I am and who I am becoming.

Tony preached about God’s favor Sunday. It occurs to me that he and I have had an abundance of favor from surrendering our family size to our Lord. The children no one else wants to have are truly the blessing, as the Word says. They have been the catalyst for the most amazing amount of growth in our lives. We have not been allowed to remain static or comfortable. Through his plan, we have been raising them, and they have been raising us, as the Word says, “from glory to glory” 1
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
So, through the beautiful pendant and roses from my beloved, lunch with my mom and sister, the unique dinner and the cake my girls made with amazing cream cheese frosting, the touching calls from my boys who are out of town, and a scary/funny game of Yahtzee when the little ones were in bed, I celebrated this birthday with much gratitude and a heart full to bursting with all the Lord has done.

Drama Queen Jewel-Anne

The Wheels on the Bus...

We went to Salem's Gilbert Discovery Village and Portland's OMSI on the same day Saturday to give Tony time at home to work on his sermon, as he filled in for our pastor today. I'm not sure how I thought it was going to work, but we had a terrific time. That was even despite Jewel-Anne not feeling well and crying at many new junctures. When she looked at the water room, she started sobbing, "Oh, no! I can't get wet!!!" She is a bit of a drama queen, and as I said, not feeling well, so we administered Tylenol and took it all in stride.
We were able to meet our Ferrier cousins at Gilbert House for a rousing game of hide-and-seek in the play area, and then on to OMSI, where we became really glad we had purchased our membership down south. (It was cheaper to do it that way, too.)There were about 75 people jamming the entrance hall, waiting in a line that didn't seem to be moving. We were able to walk right into the exhibit hall, which is two floors of special displays about Leonardo DaVinci, including actual working tools made according to DaVinci's designs and prepared for the exhibit in Italy with authentic period materials. The children worked the ball bearings, mechanical wings, and archimedes screw for themselves, and learned quite a bit about the Mona Lisa and the Last Supper.
My favorite at OMSI is the younger children's area, as it is so well designed and fun. There is a sand area, a water/bubbles area, and a place to play with balls and pipes and air pressure, among many other activities. I never tire of watching the light-bulb moment in learning, and places like OMSI give so many opportunities for our kids to grow their brains. I love it! It never gets old.
Aside from the 45 minute wait for AAA on the way home when we ran out of gas just north of Salem's Market Street exit, it was an exciting and adventurous day for Mama and the crew. That particular part got a bit unnerving when Keturah had had enough of all the stimulus and wailed for a while. We sang songs to pass the time, just like we used to do on the bus to day camp when I was a kid. Come to think of it,I guess I've got my own bus full of day campers.
We paid dearly for our long fun day when the time change saw us dragging the entire family out of the house in time for first service at what used to be 7AM. Ouch! But the sermon was great and a dear Sunday School Mommy brought us breakfast, so we got through it with much grace.

Micah and his buddy Ezra

Flood, Mud, Crud

I have had one of those days. People never believe me that every day is not one of them. I guess its hard to imagine that someone with eleven children at home and two others off into the world (but close enough to pop in needing help with their taxes) would actually love her life. I do.
No really, I do.
Most days.
But today I was ready to change course and become... what?? a nun? a Mongolian sheep-herder? Either would do as long as the new profession involved silence and rest.
For starters, I haven't been feelimg well. The baby is two months old and I can only remember three days during that time when I have had no pain. I was in a car accident, then had trauma-induced pancreatitis, and now I have residual nerve pain which must have been exacerbated by giving birth. The specialist I saw yesterday who was supposed to have some answers said, essentially, that the pain was here to stay, and she offered no remedy. It was discouraging.
And then two year old Ezra woke up ready to challenge the status quo. He went in to the bathroom when no one was looking and by the time we heard him he had filled the sink with water, and soaked a roll of toilet paper in the toilet and another in the sink. I opened the door to find the bathroom floor under a half inch of water and both sink and toilet plugged. He smiled at me and said "Mama, I'm wet!" It took every towel we could find to soak up the water.
Our laundry system has been backed up all week and this was a resounding blow to our forces of maintenance in the "Mom's our of commission survival mode" we've all been managing.
We got a new dog. His name is Rusty and he's a 2 year old purebred golden retriever that our friends were not able to keep. He's so smart he figured out immediately how to get out of our fenced yard.
He's also a mud-magnet.
While he's been exploring the new neighborhood, he comes back soaked to the bone and spreads mud everywhere. We already used all of our junk towels and many of our good ones drying him off the last two days whenever he goes out and comes back in. I know there was some reason we wanted a new dog, but when I look at the extra mess, I can't seem to remember what it was.
So then 15 year old Micah, who before now has never been sick in his life, and yet has spent a week and a half lying on the couch with a fever, woke today to announce he was having trouble taking a deep breath. He was better yesterday, and now can't breathe? My Mommy radar went off, so I drove him to urgent care.
He really didn't want to go, came up with excuses, thought I was overreacting. We waited an hour to see the doctor, during which Keturah was hungry. I knew better than to nurse her, because I'm having to give her a bottle or she gets colic since I've been detoxing. But she was fussy, so I nursed her to keep her quiet while Micah went to get the bottle. And then she really began to scream. I ended up spending the waiting time doing the colic dance up and down the sidewalk outside while she screamed. Did I mention I'm not feeling well?
So when they didn't hear anything in his lungs, Micah gave me the look that said "I knew you were a hypochondriac, Mom." But then the X-ray showed his left lung is half full of fluid.
He has pneumonia.
Our routine has been disturbed again.
I realized tonight that part of why we're having so much trouble with Ezra is that Micah is always connecting with him, watching him, encouraging and helping him. He feels cared for and gets immediate accountability for his actions. But since Micah and Mom are sick, he is feeling at loose ends and bored, perhaps a bit neglected, a bad combination unless you're trying to grow rebellion.
Something I did not know as a young mom was that it takes more than vigilance to create a happy obedient child. Unless there is the reinforcement of good behavior, punishing bad behavior will create a sullen obstinance, and a determination to get away with the behavior as soon as Mom's back is turned.
So I had Ezra "Help" make dinner when we got home from the doctor. He got me a spoon, cutting board and boullion, washed the celery, put the veggie pieces into the soup pot. And all the while I praised him for being such a big helper. Then he emptied all the wastebaskets into the large trash can in the kitchen, with constant direction and praise. This is his usual job in the morning, but it has been hit and miss lately.
We had a nice family dinner, with plenty of laughter, and I tried to help him be his most polite self with constant positive feedback. Daddy tickled and wrestled him tonight before bed. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better than today.
Days like today I need a time out to remember and be grateful. What an amazing big brother Micah is, for instance, and what a difference he makes in our endeavor to care for so many little people.
My parents come on Wednesdays, and that is something for which I am so grateful. Grandma Mary teaches preschool with the little ones, and Grandpa John teaches catechism with the older five. What would our family do without their constant encouragement and support? And today my Dad cleared the stopped up sink and toilet for me. What a blessing that was!!
I got to talk with my friend Jazz today. She always listens and understands. God has given me a priceless treasure in her faithful camaraderie for 25 years since we were college roommates. She genuinely cares, and she always points me to Jesus.
Another thing for which to be grateful is the song that's been stuck in my head all day. I sang it to Keturah when we were doing the colic dance:

Oh, how I love You, Jesus,
I know You love me too
I love Your Word that tells me
To You I belong
When I am weak, You make me strong
Your hands so strong they carry me
True You love me so much
True, You love me so
True You love me so much
My heart just overflows!

I guess I'm a bit like Micah. I tend to be skeptical in tough times that God knows what is best and I don't.
Maybe I'm also a lot like Ezra. I need some praise and encouragement to keep me on the right path, especially when things get harder than usual.

"That One"

I was putting the baby's carseat in the van when my eye caught movement across the street on the busy intersection of a shopping center. A person stood there, back to me, holding a sign, wearing several layers and a stocking cap against the February cold. The Lord said to me, "That one." and I tried to shake the certainty of THAT voice as I pondered the possibilities. It looked like a young man. Perhaps the sign said he needed a ride. I was alone. Would it even be safe to take him somewhere?
And yet the nudging of the Spirit was just as firm.
I wish I could say that I drove over ready to act, but I must admit, I had barely talked myself into taking a closer look as I drove to the other parking lot and nonchalantly turned around so that I could read the sign:

BEING EVICTED
HAVE 11 MONTH OLD BABY
NEED $100

It was a woman. She was older than me, or at least had a very hard life that had aged her. I prayed. "Lord, what do you want me to do here?"
Aside from the "That one," I wasn't sure of anything. I looked in my wallet. I had $30.
A bit uncertainly I took the money and got out of the van.
I walked over to her and offered the money.
She thanked me.
"Do you have enough yet?"
She said she was almost there.
"I know GOD," I started, (My mind said Great! Really Smooth!!) "
and HE pointed you out to me when I was over there. " I pointed behind her to the other parking lot.

It was then that she started breaking down, talking a mile-a-minute. She told me she had been standing there crying out to God,
"Please God if You still care about me, answer my prayer! I just need to know one more time that You still hear me and love me. I just need to know what to do!"
"I should have known, "she lamented, "if He loved me enough to send His Son and die for me that He would answer me now. He brought me out of the pit I was living in and He has brought me so far, but now I am losing my house and I don't know what to do!"
I learned her name was Alexandra, that the baby was her grandbaby who was living with her along with his parents. Physical evidence suggested Alexandra had been an alcoholic, but she was stone sober and testifying to God’s salvation as she poured out her dilemma.
The question was where should she go next. If she went back to Portland where her 21 year old son had been living, he would surely get involved with the same people who were selling meth and put himself back in jeopardy. "It would be like a dog returning to his vomit," she said, quoting an obscure biblical metaphor.
And yet... She had been standing in her kitchen earlier that day and had the strongest feeling out of the blue that she should go to Portland. All the time standing on the corner until I came, she had been on the indecision teeter-totter, her thoughts chasing their tails and bringing greater and greater confusion.
I took her hand and we prayed. I rebuked Satan, and asked for spirit of wisdom and understanding. When we finished, I was able to confirm that she should not go back to Portland, but on to Corvallis, where there were people to help her and she could keep working.
As we hugged, she expressed her sincere gratefulness, and I walked away in awe.
We were sisters though we had never met. She was calling out to the God of the Universe and He sent me as her answer. The hardest part was how close I came to missing the whole adventure. Talk about humbling.
I walked away resolved to listen whenever God tells me "That one," and I have a feeling Alexandra walked away resolved to keep calling out to the God who answers.