I was asked my thoughts on turning 43 (which is almost 45, which is almost 50, as Jazz says).
My mom gave me a card with a picture of my kindergarten graduation. She had a nostalgic moment, to which my dad added “You’ve come a long way baby!” and she and I had an interesting conversation about appreciating children while they are still young and with you. I am reminded that this is one of the advantages of having children continuously for 20 years. You realize that what everyone in the grocery store tells you is really a universal truth- Enjoy it; it goes so fast. I still look at pictures of my oldest ones as babies and I am in awe of how quickly they became adults, or at least adults-in-training out of my home and never to live here again. In a way I get the grandparent view with little ones still in my home. Well-meaning strangers tell you that the enamored looks will end, but with the optimism of a first-time parent I hoped that it would be different for me. I will be such a wonderful mommy that my children will be loyal and enamored with me forever. Back then I didn’t understand that this teen pulling into his or her own world thing is a process of growth and development, and that one of the signs of success is that they now strike out on their own. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I do have relationships with my boys that make many parents envious. But I so miss those times of dependence when they needed me and I was their whole world. Being an older mama makes me treasure these baby and toddler moments so much more. I remember days when the utter tediousness of my life, coupled with the perfectionism with which I approached it, often brought me to despair. It was so overwhelming at times I had no idea how I was going to make it through one more diaper change, let alone one more day. And now the days fly past and I can almost envision Keturah waving goodbye as we leave her at the dorm even as I currently kiss her damp curly head and rock her to sleep.
I look back with awe at all that God has done in me, and forward with anticipation of all in the new era ahead.
My regrets?
I stressed about money instead of investing wholeheartedly in the ventures the Lord directed.
I used to make parenting much more about me than the children.
Because of this, I didn’t laugh enough, didn’t have enough grace for mistakes.
I feared that every little misdeed was unsolvable.
My prayer life suffered as I worked and worked.
I missed the treasure times because I was washing windows or folding clothes.
I missed some tiny attitudes that grew into ugly weeds.
My life was completely absorbed by my family.
My Gratitude?
That I’ve grown to love God’s investment opportunities.
That my parenting is all about the growth of the child.
That I can laugh and have fun, forgive and forget.
That I’ve become more approachable and can share my life.
I’ve really learned not to sweat the small stuff, and (how much of it really is small stuff).
Prayer is my life, and prayer works.
I delegate more, treasure more moments as they happen, have dirty windows and perpetual laundry.
I can see now how much attitude is everything, and how attitudes grow into fixed character.
My personality is separate and unique from my family: I am a wife, mama, tester, children’s ministry director, friend, but those are only facets of who I am and who I am becoming.
Tony preached about God’s favor Sunday. It occurs to me that he and I have had an abundance of favor from surrendering our family size to our Lord. The children no one else wants to have are truly the blessing, as the Word says. They have been the catalyst for the most amazing amount of growth in our lives. We have not been allowed to remain static or comfortable. Through his plan, we have been raising them, and they have been raising us, as the Word says, “from glory to glory” 1
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
So, through the beautiful pendant and roses from my beloved, lunch with my mom and sister, the unique dinner and the cake my girls made with amazing cream cheese frosting, the touching calls from my boys who are out of town, and a scary/funny game of Yahtzee when the little ones were in bed, I celebrated this birthday with much gratitude and a heart full to bursting with all the Lord has done.
My mom gave me a card with a picture of my kindergarten graduation. She had a nostalgic moment, to which my dad added “You’ve come a long way baby!” and she and I had an interesting conversation about appreciating children while they are still young and with you. I am reminded that this is one of the advantages of having children continuously for 20 years. You realize that what everyone in the grocery store tells you is really a universal truth- Enjoy it; it goes so fast. I still look at pictures of my oldest ones as babies and I am in awe of how quickly they became adults, or at least adults-in-training out of my home and never to live here again. In a way I get the grandparent view with little ones still in my home. Well-meaning strangers tell you that the enamored looks will end, but with the optimism of a first-time parent I hoped that it would be different for me. I will be such a wonderful mommy that my children will be loyal and enamored with me forever. Back then I didn’t understand that this teen pulling into his or her own world thing is a process of growth and development, and that one of the signs of success is that they now strike out on their own. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I do have relationships with my boys that make many parents envious. But I so miss those times of dependence when they needed me and I was their whole world. Being an older mama makes me treasure these baby and toddler moments so much more. I remember days when the utter tediousness of my life, coupled with the perfectionism with which I approached it, often brought me to despair. It was so overwhelming at times I had no idea how I was going to make it through one more diaper change, let alone one more day. And now the days fly past and I can almost envision Keturah waving goodbye as we leave her at the dorm even as I currently kiss her damp curly head and rock her to sleep.
I look back with awe at all that God has done in me, and forward with anticipation of all in the new era ahead.
My regrets?
I stressed about money instead of investing wholeheartedly in the ventures the Lord directed.
I used to make parenting much more about me than the children.
Because of this, I didn’t laugh enough, didn’t have enough grace for mistakes.
I feared that every little misdeed was unsolvable.
My prayer life suffered as I worked and worked.
I missed the treasure times because I was washing windows or folding clothes.
I missed some tiny attitudes that grew into ugly weeds.
My life was completely absorbed by my family.
My Gratitude?
That I’ve grown to love God’s investment opportunities.
That my parenting is all about the growth of the child.
That I can laugh and have fun, forgive and forget.
That I’ve become more approachable and can share my life.
I’ve really learned not to sweat the small stuff, and (how much of it really is small stuff).
Prayer is my life, and prayer works.
I delegate more, treasure more moments as they happen, have dirty windows and perpetual laundry.
I can see now how much attitude is everything, and how attitudes grow into fixed character.
My personality is separate and unique from my family: I am a wife, mama, tester, children’s ministry director, friend, but those are only facets of who I am and who I am becoming.
Tony preached about God’s favor Sunday. It occurs to me that he and I have had an abundance of favor from surrendering our family size to our Lord. The children no one else wants to have are truly the blessing, as the Word says. They have been the catalyst for the most amazing amount of growth in our lives. We have not been allowed to remain static or comfortable. Through his plan, we have been raising them, and they have been raising us, as the Word says, “from glory to glory” 1
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”
So, through the beautiful pendant and roses from my beloved, lunch with my mom and sister, the unique dinner and the cake my girls made with amazing cream cheese frosting, the touching calls from my boys who are out of town, and a scary/funny game of Yahtzee when the little ones were in bed, I celebrated this birthday with much gratitude and a heart full to bursting with all the Lord has done.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (belated)
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