I Wish I'd Never Been Born!

Like the ripple of a pebble on a pond, our actions have never-ending consequences. I remember as a child watching the Jimmy Stewart classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life!” in black and white. Clarence the angel, answers the main character’s prayer for help in a desperate time with a gift, “the chance to see what the world would be like if you had never been born…”

George Bailey, a nobody and failure in his own eyes, gets to see that his entire world would be eerily changed for the worse if he had not been in it. Choices he had made to sacrifice for others which he had either forgotten or not acknowledged are suddenly un-done. George was a man who stood against evil to his own peril (and sometimes almost regretted it). His actions had radically changed his world and he didn't even know it.

Our lives make an immeasurable difference that we cannot calculate this side of Heaven.

I love this movie because I think the theme is one of those poignant lessons we can never learn well enough. Our lives make an immeasurable difference that we cannot calculate this side of Heaven.

I was reminded of this truth recently. Two seemingly accidental conversations with people I thought I did not even know brought the power of this reality home.

We had attended a potluck at a home we had never visited. Isaiah grabbed me and said, “Mom, you remember Sue?”(not her real name) I looked at this young very vibrant woman and assumed she was one of his many college buddies. My initial response was, “No I don’t think we’ve met.”

Then this happy stylish young woman proceeded to tell me that we had met, five years before, at a park in Albany. As we moved on in the conversation, it began to dawn on me. But it could not be! We had been enjoying a picnic with our large brood of then eleven, when another family drove up. We were the only two families in the tiny park. I think that maybe I was big pregnant or had a newborn (safe assumption) and so was or did she… I can’t remember… but what I do remember was a bit of the conversation. We had a light and easy conversation about being Christian homeschoolers. Then we got into the subject of churches and it was not so easy.

This couple had been radically transformed by Jesus and then indoctrinated into a church with a whole bunch of rules and regulations. They were trying hard to fit in by dressing the part (she was wearing a shapeless longer dress and did not cut her hair or wear makeup) and live the life the church demanded. It was one of those well-intentioned churches that sincerely thinks they are the only true believers. The conversation got a lot more awkward at that point as we danced around the sensitive subject of whether or not our family would meet their church standards.

Like the ripple of a pebble on a pond, our lives have never-ending consequences.

I remember feeling so sad. Here were these wonderful people God had called and empowered and they were getting stuck in the miry concrete of religion. Soon it would cement and they would be stuck forever following a man-made rulebook. Too soon living relationship with God and others would be relegated to an unneeded corner of life. The prospect of this specter was so disheartening that I began to pray right then that God would intervene and change their lives. I only prayed for a few weeks whenever I thought about them. I have to admit my faith was very low about this. I had hardly ever seen anyone leave the cult-like hold after investing so much.

Fast-forward to Thursday night. Facing this unique joyful woman, I began to realize: God had answered my faithless prayer! He had used that chance encounter I barely remember to plant a seed in this family that is now a full-grown tree. Now this sweet family is ministering with my son! I am absolutely sure we were only one of the families and individuals God used, but it is so amazing to me to see fruit from that long ago encounter and a few weeks of scattered prayer. I want to sit down with them and hear the whole story, beginning to end, for I’m sure it is a breathtaking masterpiece of a God’s stupendous orchestration. This family is on the cutting edge of what God is doing in our valley, in prayer and true fellowship and street evangelism with the power of the Holy Spirit. The new look is part of the new revelation of enjoying who God is.

That happened Thursday night. Then Friday I administered the standardized test in Jefferson. As I was packing up my supplies to leave, the father of the hosting family came to hand me his payment. “You don’t remember me?” he asked. I was certain I had never seen him before.

We truly do not know the impact of

Our life…

Our words… Our prayers...

This man proceeded to tell me that I had made a big difference in his life! Truly, no one was more shocked than I was! “You came to my pastor’s house with Tony before you were married and prophesied over me. The words you spoke were the exact verses I had received two days before, so I knew they were from God,” he shared, “I have held on to those prophetic expressions as life verses for 24 years.” I then got to hear part of his journey into prayer, fellowship, evangelism and sharing God’s heart and words with others.

Just writing this brings me to tears. What are the chances that these two incidents would occur less than 12 hours apart? God is speaking. Of this I have no doubt.

We truly do not know the impact of our life… Our words… Our prayers.

When my older ones were in their early teens, a young family friend committed suicide. Of course everyone was devastated. We went to the funeral, and my husband insisted on bringing our oldest children. I was adamantly against this, and lobbied to protect them from the crushing reality. But he persisted, saying, “I want them to see this,” and he was so right.

The funeral was packed. Person after heartbroken person stood and sobbed out stories of Stephen’s life, what an amazing talented guy he was, how they didn’t know how they would go on without him, how they missed him.

As we drove home, Tony asked the kids, “Do you think Stephen would have taken his life if he could have imagined all of this?” Our kids sorrowfully shook their heads. “Satan gets you isolated,” he continued, “and then he tells you lies of your failure and lack of worth until you begin to believe them. He is always lying, stealing and destroying. The biggest lie of all is that our life would be better off un-lived,"... or as Job (and many others, including George Bailey) have said, "I wish I had never been born!”

My longing is for eyes to see the ripples on the pond so that we are not deceived.

If we knew how much impact we had, we would be much more purposeful about our words, prayers, actions. Of course we would! And along those lines, let’s not wait until a funeral (when the ones we love can't hear us) to tell others they have made a difference!